Am feeling really bummed these past few weeks and finrud myself not

Am feeling really bummed these past few weeks and finrud myself not wanting to wake up in the morning. I must say how glad I am to have found this site and have a place to read and share and know that I am not alone. I have basically been told that there is nothing more that can be done for the pain that I deal with, the digestion problems I have, the chance that I will have kidney failure again, there are no other anti deptessants to try, ......you get the idea. My insurance won't pay for massage therapy and my husband (age 61) was let go from his job and unemployment ends the end of April. We face losing our home, which has become a sanctuary for me. I am truly fond of my doc at Mayo and my psychiatrist near my home, but they are struggling with me to help me find a reason to want to live. I have no support other than my husband and two friends, and my husband is having his own problems at the moment for obvious reasons....he has realized that it is because of some of his bad decisions that we are without savings. I may have to sell my dog to save the house. I have completely lost my appetite and yet will binge on carbs and sugars to get energly because my body does not break down proteins and yet the docs will not put me on TPN which would supply those without any problem. Sorry to be so down, but I just needed someplace to vent all the frustrations that I really can't even share with my husband because it just makes him feel worse that he can't take care of me. I am so tired of living in pain and discomfort, and yet will not ever consider ending my life. I just wish I could even get a full night of sleep (the longest I have slept in the past few years is 4 hours without waking). I think my body is at a point of exhaustion but am unable to get help for sleep from my docs, none of whom believe in anything that could be addictivie as are most sleeping pills. And many drugs interfere with the anti depressant I am on, so I feel that I am in a place, proverbially between the rock and the hard place......prayers, please....crying many hours every day, can't even find the motivation to stitch or play the piano.....I know I will get through all this, I just hate being here now! marylynette