A Train Wreck in Slow Motion

I hear you, @frances007!

Hi Frances!
I'm sorry that things are going so bad for you. That's not fair but sometimes life gets very unfair. I know. I've been there a few times myself. The first thing you do is pray and pray hard! Tell God that it is an emergency and you just don't know how you are going to handle this mess you are in! I remember you stated that you weren't raised in a church setting but you don't have to be. The main reason churches started up was there was no paper invented yet and everything had to be communicated by word of mouth and what better way than in a group in a church? All God asks is that you ask for his help. In the Bible it says "Ask and it will be given to you." Also in the Bible it states, "He knows of all your needs." So, just pray and have faith.

The next thing you might want to do is address your financial problems such as you stated about calling the creditors and establishing a plan. By the way, include them in your prayers too. God is very good with money problems. Also did you know that Pawn Shops will often buy items in good condition outright from you? You don't have to pawn them. My husband and I are down sizing and we take stuff to a pawn shop. They buy the items and at a very good price. That way you don't have to have a garage sale or advertise it and have strangers coming to your home. At the Pawn Shop that we go to, they said they see a lot of people doing this for that reason that they don't want strangers coming to their home.

Then address your food situation. Food has become very expensive lately. (Do you really have to feed Carolyn?) Save coupons and shop sales. You probably already do this. Even go to a food bank if you have to. I did for many years and it really helped a lot.

For your peace of mind, perhaps you should stay away from your sister and her husband until things settle down in your own life.

I wish you the best with everything especially the MRI's! I will also remember you in my prayers.
PML

Hi Frances,

Sorry that life's hitting you so hard.

The U.S. "healthcare" system is an utter disgrace.

The only hope for the radical transformation necessary is the dissolution of the Republican party and a transition to a more socialist-leaning style of government similar to our more enlightened friends in Europe (Netherlands, Denmark, etc.).

Thought this quote from Mitch Hedburg was funny:

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

I love music, so when I get the blues, I crank up the jams. I find it helps me a lot.

Take care, sweetheart.

Itchy

I hear you and understand that you are suffering. Sometimes I know I just need someone to understand how much I am suffering. I don’t know if this will help you but here’s a little story.

Ten years ago I was a wealthy, respected married man with four beautiful children. Long story short I had a breakdown during a manic episode and assaulted someone. I went to prison for two and a half years. My wife left me, I lost all my money and my children don’t speak to me. And I am still suicidally depressed.

But this is not a “it could be worse” story. Rather I want to point out something you still have, that is the luxury of choice. I had to remind myself of that just the other day.

When one is institutionalized, be it prison or a hospital, we lose the power to choose. My life sucks and I wish I was dead almost every minute of the day. At the most basic level the decision to live or die is mine. In prison even that choice was taken away. In prison I was told what to do every minute of the day. If I was too depressed to get out of bed, tough, it’s time to “stand for count”. Even thinking about killing myself was unthinkable because of the ramifications of failing.

I hate my life, but at least I have choices. You do too! I can’t tell you what to choose, I can suggest that you cherish the ability to choose. I know it’s not much, but having lost it for two and a half years I can tell you it’s precious.

I hope you live in good health and peace.

Francis , I am so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. That's quite a natural feeling given everything that is going on. I love how Resilient you are and how you keep pushing forward. I so glad you spoke with someone about this . You said that your psychologist and you discussed some steps to take to move forward on.
Have you been able to implement any of those ?
Can you share how they helped?
Hoping today feels better to you.

Frances,

I hope you have a better day today!

I tried to post a new discussion but the server froze up on me.
I recently met with an ENT specialist to go over a CT scan of my sinuses, and which the radiologist noted a deviated septum on the left side. I am immunocompromised and my doctor was attributing my ongoing eye pain and headaches to chronic sinus infections. Imagine my surprise when the doctor reviewed the scan with me and pointed out first that the deviation was on the right side, but more importantly I have bone loss or bone separation in and around my left orbital. A brain MRI has been ordered. I will be referred to an opthalmologist to discuss my dry eye syndrome. As you can imagine I am feeling like I just cannot catch a break. However, I am "on the move," staying as busy as possible and as positive as possible. My anger and perhaps doubt has been compounded by what I believe to be gross negligence on the part of the radiologist who interpreted the scan. I have not slept since last week when I learned this news. I just had 2 MRI's this past Friday, and more bad news to deal with. Sometimes it feels like too much

Hey Frances!
Not that it'll make you feel better, but I say "sometimes it IS too much!" & I don't think that is in any way 'giving in', but just acknowledging one's reality at the time.
Lately, due to evolving circumstances, I've tried just sitting back & just "being". Not a solution, but as long as I'm 'back in the game' by attending to necessities, going out to eat (diner, local restaurants, etc.), I find myself reconnecting, sometimes re-energized, sometimes reminded of my strengths, quirks and joys, and I trudge along!
I know it's all relative, but I also have hope that I'll "pull out of it" (my inactivity & non-productive ways), as things go along.
You're in our thoughts...appreciate your sharing, and hope the latest tests provide answers & solutions/remedies for these conditions.

in reply to @brandysparks Thanks, this is very helpful.
I saw my PCP yesterday, and we discussed possible options with respect to the recent CT scan. I will not be having any brain surgery or other treatment until I return from the IDF conference in Chicago in June. My art and my woodworking are very helpful, but for the pain in my left eye. Naturally, as an artist, this is of concern to me. I will see the eye specialist soon so she can look into my eyes with that special lamp. There is"slight" possibility that I "could" have Wilson's Disease, but this is separate and apart from the soft tissue/bone loss in my skull. No, I am not worried about cancer or anything like that. I am more concerned about my sister placing her husband in a facility at the end of the month. Every time I walk in my front door, I burst out into tears because I know she is suffering more than I am.