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59 year old right corona radiata/internal capsule infarct (stroke)
Male, had this stroke 14 months ago. Full hemiplegia (left) for about 8 weeks. Slow regain movement in typical sequence...leg, arm, then extremities. Agonizing spasticity throughout (still today). The Nightmare: about 6-7 months post-stroke, dizziness/vertigo set in. Continuous worsening since - had to quit PT and OT as any kind of exertion worsened the vestibular issues. Now doing optometric specialty vestibular rehab. Not sure if this is working, and expensive. If cup half full, perhaps it is lessening the worsening, but only way to test, perhaps, is to stop therapy. Now I live inside a tidy universe, disconnected from the people and world around me. Completely debilitating. I'm trying to keep my job, pay for college for kids for next 6 years. Am "drunk" at all times, and have to try to conceal my condition and misery. Increasing desire to end the torment by any means...have begun to wish the stroke was fatal. Anyone out there have similar experience? Please spare me all the 'no, but I had this happen to me...'
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And please, please spare me any recommendations for psychiatric help, suicide hotlines, all that. I don't need it. Otherwise, thank you for your thoughts/suggestions/considerations.
My stroke was cerebellum area/ left side/ ischemic- took a year with various issues to feel like myself, as neurons healed. Walking, used walker for 3 months then let go… but vestibular issues with balance I worked with OT so I could walk without looking like I was drunk and ate peppermints (chewed) so I would not get sick. Did that for almost 6 months then worked on shoulders / Got shoulder impingement 6 months in / and stroke fatigue all noted as common at the american stroke association website, wish I had none it was normal, hope this info helps. Point is body recovers slowly, may have other roadblocks to go .. amazing therapies for vestibular issues. Over time you will feel better and more yourself. But it does take work. I made it three more years after first two strokes and one year till retirement. I only retired because stress from job may have contributed to my stroke and have not looked back. Course may do remote work part time after I reach 6 months. Want to have the extra money in this inflationary economy.
Madelene
It is a roller coaster good days and then life sucks then you read the obit of an ---hole in high school who gave you a bad time and suddenly life is good again. You do what you can and try what you can't. There is no cover up, but you can honestly say if need be "my left side don't work too good and I talk funny sometimes" you might be surprised how accepting people are. It took me awhile to recognise and accept that I would never be "me" again. On the other hand the new me experiences a deeper empathy for the difficulties faced by others because of my own situation. As for "drunk" oh what I would give for five fingers of cheap gin on the rocks = no fruit, no vegetables. Your kids are lucky that you think of them and not just yourself. We both live for the sake of and love for others. That is what makes life worth living.