1. < Mental Health

15 year old daughter with Complex PTSD

Posted by caseyn2020 @caseyn2020, Mar 9, 2023

My daughter is 15 years old and has recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD.
She is a survivor or sexual abuse and rape that occurred over a 5 year period when she was younger (6-11 y/o).
Just a couple weeks ago, her abuser was sentenced to 50-100 years in prison for what he did to my daughter and her cousin.
She has suffered from extreme depression, anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares for many years. I’ve had her with 8 different therapists over the years which did not help her. She is currently with a trauma informed therapist right now, who she really seems to like, so I’m praying that she can get the help now that she deserves. She is currently on Zoloft for her depression/anxiety, but it doesn’t seem to help much. And it surely doesn’t help with her flashbacks and nightmares.
Has anyone had success with anything that have helped with their flashbacks and nightmares? I’m desperate to find something for her so she can finally experience the beautiful life that she deserves.
It’s been debilitating for her, and it’s difficult to explain to people who don’t understand the severity that CPTSD does to someone, especially a child. She sits in her bedroom for days, has little motivation to be around anyone, does not take care of her hygiene, has been taken out of school and is doing online school now because her anxiety being around all the students was making her worse, she now wants to drop out of school because it’s just too much for her to concentrate, she is extremely irritable, she began smoking weed and drinking to take away the pain of her trauma, she’s just so sad all the time and it breaks my heart.
Any insight on what has helped with others with CPTSD is greatly appreciated. She is to the point where she doesn’t want to try anything because she has it in her head that nothing will help her. She tells me she’s dealt with this pain for so long already, so she’s just kind of used to suffering. How do I get her to understand that this is not what her life is going to be like forever?! How can I explain to her that there is something out there for her that is going to help her, she just needs to believe it and believe in herself

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health Support Group.

caseyn2020 | @caseyn2020 | Mar 26, 2023
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@caseyn2020 I've been thinking of your daughter and how worried you must be about her. This..." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@caseyn2020 I've been thinking of your daughter and how worried you must be about her. This is a difficult space in time for both of you. I'm glad that she is being seen by a trauma-informed mental health therapist who she connects with. This is so important as the years of experience of the therapist and the connection with your daughter is just as important as the techniques that the therapist uses. Most of all, it is important that your daughter is listened to, feels heard, and her therapist does not "judge" her for what has happened or choices your daughter has made since the original trauma.

I think that your daughter's use of alcohol and weed should be watched. Unfortunately, it does happen that people who have been through what your daughter experienced try to numb themselves from the emotional pain with drugs and alcohol. This can turn, in time, into yet another thing to deal with - addiction. It doesn't happen to everyone but it can happen so I hope her therapist knows about your daughter's drug and alcohol use so this can be discussed in their sessions.

There is a really good website on trauma from the National Center for PTSD. While this Center is administered by the US Veterans Administration the information is relevant for all traumatic events as are the diagnostic information and treatments. The website explains the different types of trauma including sexual abuse, types of treatments that have been shown to be effective through research, and of course the important of seeing a therapist. I hope that reading this will be helpful to you.

National Center for PTSD

-- https://www.ptsd.va.gov/

Please write me a private message if I can be helpful to you.

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Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. It really means so much to me.
Her therapist knows of her weed/vaping/alcohol use, and has been slowly bringing it up in sessions.
I think that the weed and vaping are the two things that she does the most, and occasionally has experienced with drinking.
I try to talk to her about it, but most times she becomes extremely defensive and shuts down completely. To be honest, when she does smoke weed, she seems to be more at peace and can focus on homework and other things. But like you said, all of these things can definitely lead to addiction, and that’s something I definitely don’t want for her.
I will definitely check out the website you provided, but I’m guessing I probably already have, lol. I’m big on researching this stuff on my own, so that I have a better understanding of what abuse and trauma does to people. (Not only do I research it to better understand what her abuse has done to her, but I also have trauma from being married to someone who is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive…so it helps me to understand myself and what I’m experiencing as well)
Thank you for reaching out to me, it really means a lot!

REPLY
3 replies
Paulalina | @paulalina | Mar 27, 2023
In reply to @caseyn2020 "We were actually just talking about an emotional support dog the other day! Unfortunately, right now,..." + (show)
@caseyn2020

We were actually just talking about an emotional support dog the other day! Unfortunately, right now, my marriage is on the fence and her and I have been living with my best friend since October. So until I know what’s happening in my marriage, getting another animal (we have a dog and 4 cats that are still in the home with my husband) at this time isn’t something that I can do ☹️
I’ve tried talking to her about getting into yoga, but it’s not something that interests her at the time. I think that she’s been stuck on fight or flight mode for so long, that she doesn’t know how to get herself to be calm and patient enough to try it. I’m hoping as time progresses, she will see that something like this can be very beneficial!
Lots of love to you, and I’m happy to hear that you have found some peace with your pup!
My animals have always been my emotional support. I miss them so much it breaks my heart

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I understand and I am sending you healing energy, love and laughter. For both of you girls.

REPLY
Paulalina | @paulalina | Mar 27, 2023
In reply to @caseyn2020 "Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. It really means so much to me. Her..." + (show)
@caseyn2020

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. It really means so much to me.
Her therapist knows of her weed/vaping/alcohol use, and has been slowly bringing it up in sessions.
I think that the weed and vaping are the two things that she does the most, and occasionally has experienced with drinking.
I try to talk to her about it, but most times she becomes extremely defensive and shuts down completely. To be honest, when she does smoke weed, she seems to be more at peace and can focus on homework and other things. But like you said, all of these things can definitely lead to addiction, and that’s something I definitely don’t want for her.
I will definitely check out the website you provided, but I’m guessing I probably already have, lol. I’m big on researching this stuff on my own, so that I have a better understanding of what abuse and trauma does to people. (Not only do I research it to better understand what her abuse has done to her, but I also have trauma from being married to someone who is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive…so it helps me to understand myself and what I’m experiencing as well)
Thank you for reaching out to me, it really means a lot!

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I'm replying to this because of the cannabis comment. My Psychiatrist wrote me a prescription for it!
I don't smoke it, because I have asthma. I make a tincture which I add to coconut oil and then pour into tiny bear molds. I have broken my back twice...T8, right pelvis and my sacrum. For seven years I was prescribed Hydrocodone for my pain. The medication barely took the edge off. I went to a pain clinic, saw an ortho doc, all told me no surgery, pain meds or shots.
When I finally did try cannabis for pain I was totally shocked. I do not feel "high" at all! And the most impressive thing for me is no pain at all in my back, means more movement for me, too! I was always so against cannabis and now I am a convert. it is natural. my body has no after effects. Your daughter may have found that cannabis is helpful ~ just saying ~ its a great big world and trauma survivors have had to find things that work for each individual.
Alcohol to me, is the big gateway drug; it is everywhere and it destroys lives.
Honey, I am sending you and your daughter so much positive energy. xoxoxo

REPLY
Paulalina | @paulalina | Mar 27, 2023
In reply to @caseyn2020 "Thank you for your kind words. It’s so comforting to feel so much love from people..." + (show)
@caseyn2020

Thank you for your kind words. It’s so comforting to feel so much love from people that we don’t even know.
It’s definitely going to be a long road to recovery for her, but I will be here for her every step of the way, as I’ve always been.
There are days that seem like things are turning around for the best, and then something small happens, and she’s back in her dark place.
I know I’m my heart, that one day she will rise above what has happened to her, and she will live a wonderful life.

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You are not alone! This Mayo site has been so helpful to me.

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Paulalina | @paulalina | Mar 27, 2023
In reply to @caseyn2020 "I am so sorry that you have had to experience that. It makes me so sad..." + (show)
@caseyn2020

I am so sorry that you have had to experience that. It makes me so sad and angry that this happens to people. To see the detrimental impact it has on the victim (survivor) as well as the family. I wouldn’t wish it in my worst enemy.
I’ve tried to teach her so many other “healthy” methods of coping with what happened to her. However, I just don’t think she’s there yet. I wish that she could be more open minded that there are so many other ways of helping that aren’t detrimental to her health. I think with age, she will recognize that, and be more apt to try them. I will never stop giving her other options on ways she can cope, and I just hope that one day soon she will allow herself to try safer techniques.
I’ve been reading many books written by a well known Psychiatrist and Physician - Bessel Van Der Kolk and Gabor Maté. I highlight everything in them that I think my daughter will find beneficial and I hope that she takes the time soon to go through them, because what they say really opens your eyes to what trauma victims go through, how it affects their brains, and different ways of coping with their pain.
Thank you for sharing a little of your story with me and what has helped you.
Lots of love to you 🤍

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Check out Kristen Neff on self compassion. She is wonderful. I love Bessel! I thought it was funny that all the things my therapist wanted me to try I had already incorporated into my life ~ yoga and meditation. I fell in love with the writing "The Miracle of MIndfulness" that I "found" in a library. I still keep a small stick glued to my bedroom ceiling because of that book I read in the 90's. The silly twig hanging from the ceiling causes me to begin each day with a smile. I would maybe get the book on how to train your own psychiatric service dog because it is a good read, takes you into learning something new that is constructive. When you are ready, and have your new home, you will have digested the info and can begin to train a service dog of your own. I would say a Service Dog because they are well worth all the labor of love. They can go any where with you ~ by law. A Therapy Dog can not. You can always private message me if I can help you. ~Paula

REPLY
Mentor
Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | Mar 27, 2023
In reply to @caseyn2020 "Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. It really means so much to me. Her..." + (show)
@caseyn2020

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. It really means so much to me.
Her therapist knows of her weed/vaping/alcohol use, and has been slowly bringing it up in sessions.
I think that the weed and vaping are the two things that she does the most, and occasionally has experienced with drinking.
I try to talk to her about it, but most times she becomes extremely defensive and shuts down completely. To be honest, when she does smoke weed, she seems to be more at peace and can focus on homework and other things. But like you said, all of these things can definitely lead to addiction, and that’s something I definitely don’t want for her.
I will definitely check out the website you provided, but I’m guessing I probably already have, lol. I’m big on researching this stuff on my own, so that I have a better understanding of what abuse and trauma does to people. (Not only do I research it to better understand what her abuse has done to her, but I also have trauma from being married to someone who is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive…so it helps me to understand myself and what I’m experiencing as well)
Thank you for reaching out to me, it really means a lot!

Jump to this post

@caseyn2020 I'm happy that you found support in my words.

Your selection of reading material is so good for C-PTSD. I've read by Kolk including "The Body Keeps the Score" and several books by Maté. One thought. If your daughter isn't yet interested in reading the books or what you've highlighted both of these authors can be found on YouTube. I especially like some of the more recent videos by Gabor Maté.

Since you've described your husband as abusive I'm wondering if what happened between the two of you has affected your daughter. It's take a lot of courage to move out of the house and away from your husband and I want to applaud you for making these huge decision. The environment with your friend, even though temporary, gives you and your daughter an opportunity for quiet moments and healing.

You have so, so much on your plate that I hope you are taking care of you. You are a thoughtful and lovely mother to bring all of this here at Mayo Clinic Connect and allow us to support you and provide suggestions. Are you seeing a mental health therapist? What do you do for yourself to cope and soothe?

REPLY
jenatsky | @jenatsky | Apr 4, 2023
In reply to @caseyn2020 "Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. It really means so much to me. Her..." + (show)
@caseyn2020

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. It really means so much to me.
Her therapist knows of her weed/vaping/alcohol use, and has been slowly bringing it up in sessions.
I think that the weed and vaping are the two things that she does the most, and occasionally has experienced with drinking.
I try to talk to her about it, but most times she becomes extremely defensive and shuts down completely. To be honest, when she does smoke weed, she seems to be more at peace and can focus on homework and other things. But like you said, all of these things can definitely lead to addiction, and that’s something I definitely don’t want for her.
I will definitely check out the website you provided, but I’m guessing I probably already have, lol. I’m big on researching this stuff on my own, so that I have a better understanding of what abuse and trauma does to people. (Not only do I research it to better understand what her abuse has done to her, but I also have trauma from being married to someone who is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive…so it helps me to understand myself and what I’m experiencing as well)
Thank you for reaching out to me, it really means a lot!

Jump to this post

Casey have you thought about an inpatient program for her if she is as debilitated as you say? Since Covid had such a detrimental effect on our youth she needs help sooner than later. You should speak with her therapist about this too for guidance with your concerns.

REPLY
Mentor
William Olsen, Volunteer Mentor | @hrhwilliam | May 31, 2023

Horse therapy if you have a center nearby. It works and is worth a look into. Horses meet you and trust at your level. I’ve seen kids pulled from the deepest rabbit hole by this method.

REPLY
Paulalina | @paulalina | Jun 7, 2023
In reply to @caseyn2020 "We were actually just talking about an emotional support dog the other day! Unfortunately, right now,..." + (show)
@caseyn2020

We were actually just talking about an emotional support dog the other day! Unfortunately, right now, my marriage is on the fence and her and I have been living with my best friend since October. So until I know what’s happening in my marriage, getting another animal (we have a dog and 4 cats that are still in the home with my husband) at this time isn’t something that I can do ☹️
I’ve tried talking to her about getting into yoga, but it’s not something that interests her at the time. I think that she’s been stuck on fight or flight mode for so long, that she doesn’t know how to get herself to be calm and patient enough to try it. I’m hoping as time progresses, she will see that something like this can be very beneficial!
Lots of love to you, and I’m happy to hear that you have found some peace with your pup!
My animals have always been my emotional support. I miss them so much it breaks my heart

Jump to this post

Casey, I am still thinking about you and your daughter. Sending you both healing energy and love. Take good care of you and your daughter.
~Paula

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