Where do you want to grow old?

We are coming a little late to this retirement party. We retired at age 54 for my wife and 56 from myself. Spent 17 wonderful years at our summer home in the rockies. But we were so rural that had one of us suffered a stroke or heart attack, we would have been long gone before First Responders were able to find us. Moved into one of our daughters and her husband's fancy but vacant Ranch in Southern California for a couple years while we searched for a, hopefully, final home. Been here nearly six years now, and at 79 and 81 we definitely need to formulate a plan to carry us through to the end when we can no longer manage our home.

Neither of us have any of the major health problems, but I have developed drop foot in one leg after recovery from the China virus and recently a painful nerve problem in my other leg that makes walking difficult. My wife is the picture of health but for lingering exhaustion from a mild case of that virus about a year ago.

So what are we going to do assuming we live on for several years? We have three wonderful children who would take us in but we really don't want that. A week or so ago we visited the facility that we could live in with our two dogs. It would be difficult living in an apartment maybe half again the size of our master suite. Everything done for us. And the level of care could increase as needed.

If you can afford it, this is an reasonable answer. And we may selected at some point. In the meantime it is our hope that we can find a service that will put someone in the home as necessary to take care of a few of the things that will be difficult or impossible for us to do, yet while we are at a point where we still wish to remain in our home.

And as a final note I would say that we have both selected prepaid cremation programs and some years ago developed a family trust. So when we do go there will be very little for the children to deal with.

I am a planner by nature. I was also an RN for 35 years, the last 10 working with hospice patients. My husband and I moved to a lake home in northern Wisconsin. We began looking to downsize and to also be in the midwest. It took us 3 years to find the home we wanted then spent the next 3 driving to and from before we retired. We got involved in the community, made friends but also kept old friends. What I learned from working with people at end of life was cultivate good friendships and new friendships. Find a home that you love and stay there as long as you can. Stay close to family, even extended family. Keep your doors open even if it is a chore! We love being retired and love our home. When the snow flies we stay home and watch the deer play in the yard. Finding your perfect place takes lots of thought and careful planning. We are in our early 70's now and started thinking about this over 10 years ago.

To answer the original question about where to grow old, my husband and I are moving to Maryland to be near son. He and his wife want us near and we want that, too.
I’m 71 and still working full time. My husband is semi-retired. He’s 68.
We are leaving our longtime home in the sun belt. I’m not looking forward to the colder climate.
I would like to hear advice from seniors who have made this move. I am finding this overwhelming. Our two story house is full of stuff. I’m purging as much as I can, but it’s a huge task. We will put house on market in October.
Other people who have done this have advised me to sell or give away as much as possible and replace it in Maryland. Thus, save a fortune on moving and storage.
Thoughts?

I don’t know about uprooting to be near a family member. What if they decided to move, or their job forced them to relocate? I say this because years ago my daughter wanted me to move across the country to live near her in California. Now her and her husband are living in Virginia. And then she asks me to move there?! 🙁 no thanks, I don’t wanted to be stranded in a different state by myself.
I have friends that this happened too also.

We thought of that. They probably won’t move as they are both tenured professors.
Also, we should move somewhere. We live on Gulf Coast and are too old to keep evacuating from hurricanes. Our homeowners insurance went from $300 a month $850.
My oldest and closest friend lives an hour away from my son. They have a big house and we will live with them for a few months while looking for a house.
I have no other family other than my children. My daughter and her family are moving to Baltimore in May 2025, so we will all be together.
I guess I need advice on the practical aspects of the move. That’s what I’m overwhelmed by. Sell? Give away? Put in storage? The last time I moved, I was 25. We threw it all in a friend’s truck. Those were the days.

There are actually people who specialize in helping us seniors downsize. Check with a local assisted living facility, senior center or your church for some suggestions. Our neighbor's daughters in Minnesota found someone through their Dad's hospice manager. We will probably soon be looking for someone in Washington state to assist our brother-in-law as he will resist assistance from us or our nieces and nephew.
Sue

@susanfalcon52 Do you have an idea of what size house you want to buy? Ask your children if they want any of your furniture, china, etc. Decide which pieces of furniture you want to use in the new house. Everything that you or your children don’t want can be sold or donated .

Two dear friends loved cooking. Over the years they introduced me to wonderful foods, prepared and presented beautifully. They opened a world of food to me.
I house sat for them while they traveled, and I found they had a simpler kitchen than any I had seen. Every pot and utensil served its purpose beautifully. There was a rather small selection of spices and seasonings, but they were of very fine quality. It was easy to cook because the shelves were not crowded with clutter. Everything you needed was obvious and at hand, and nothing more.
As I've aged and simplified my life, I've tried to make my shop, office and personal closet as simple and well chosen as their kitchen, but I have a long way to go.
Daniel Dennett writes about how as we age, our home becomes an extension of our mind, a sort of analog computer for solving the problems of living. Does an object help solve the problems of living, or does it create more problems?

edsutton,
I couldn’t agree more.
Downsizing could not be more attractive to me. It always has been.
My husband does the cooking and there are more than a hundred spices in the kitchen. I cut out a recent cartoon from the New Yorker and taped it to the spice cabinet door. The cartoon was bottles of spices plotting to multiply and then take over.
It’s the getting rid of stuff, the questions about what to keep, how to move the rest and what to do with it that are weighing me down.

These comments have been very helpful to me. I am struggling with trying to figure out what to do since I live alone, am in my 80’s and feel like I’m beginning to need help with things often. I live near my son who has an extremely busy life though he does keep in contact regularly. We live in a town I really love but where there are few senior services except for an excellent hospital network. I moved here about 3 years ago and have begun to make a few friends. All my daughters live in another state that I lived in when younger but was never happy there, so I resist moving back. However, the town offers extensive and lively senior programs. And my daughters are more available and well situated to take care of me when/if needed. So all these considerations are in my thoughts frequently. I am comfortable financially but not well off enough to live in the kind of assisted living that appeals to me. Lots to consider.