Why Anxiety?

I have posted here before, but as I've read other postings, I feel compelled to write again. My last radiation treatment was on September 8, 2023 at Mayo in Minnesota. I was also given one low dose of chemo at the beginning of each week, as my radiation was scheduled for two weeks, 2x/day. I was diagnosed with lower right tongue cancer with a very small tumor. During the surgery (July 31) the tumor was removed along with my right toncil and 22 lymph nodes, only one of which was positive, I caught this very early.
Even thought I had a serious and unexpected illness, I was so grateful to be at Mayo and really felt deep down that I was going to get the best leading-edge care available. Got my surgery completed and at the post op, the surgeon gave me a choice. I could go home today and not have to do any further treatment, as the surgeon said that he felt very confident that he got everything and good margins. But...he said that if I wanted a bit of insurance, they were recommending 2 weeks, 2x/week low intensity radiation and one low dose of chemo each Monday to enhance the radiation. Seemed like a no-brainer to me and I agreed with that treatment. I went through the entire treatment protocol feeling just great! My spirits were high, I had a good sense of humor throughout, I was going to go through this with courage and no fear. And I did--I felt wonderful. Until the 2nd to the last day of radiation. I started to have a sore throat and was having difficulty swallowing. Well.......that was just the prelude for what was to come. I went home on September 8th with what seemed like quart of liquid Oxycontin, Fentanyl patches and lots of Lidocaine. When I saw all this, I thought that perhaps this is going to be more of a BIG Deal than I thought. Well, turns out that I was sicker than anyone could imagine and still remain alive. I could not believe a human could feel so bad. I couldn't drink anything, including water and lost over 42 pounds (I am only at 155 normal weight). I went in the hospital for 7 or 8 hydration infusions. By mid-October, I started to be albe to eat some and drink most liquids. I seemed to be progressing physically quite well and feeling a little better. Then, out of nowhere one morning in October, I woke up with the most intense anxiety and constant feelings of panic. I couldn't believe it. The anxiety, panic, and probably PTSD we full force, 24/7, no relief! I wasn't incapacitated but wasn't far from it. Every second of every day my brain was telling me that at any second now, you're going to go crazy, lose all control and be flopping around like a fish. Of course, none of that happened, but I felt that I had to counter the doom and gloom with constant self-talk like "Im going to be ok, This is just very uncomfortable." The self-talk really didn't have much impact.
I finally called Mayo and explained what I was going through with the panic, intense anxiety and possible symptoms of PTSD every day, all day. I was finally prescribed Lorazapam for the anxiety and Ambien for sleep. What A world of difference. The Lorazapam, taken as directed has allowed my anxiety to decrease pretty drastically to a very manageable level and the Ambien is allowing me to fall asleep and sleep through the night.
So, I'm not sure where I'm going from here, but I am so unbelievably grateful for the reprieve. I am going to Mayo next week to meet with Neurology. After the anxiety took hold, I noticed a shaking in my hands and fingers. It has gotten better, but still not where I like it to be. I know that the Mayo staff keeps telling me to be patient with myself and stuff like this occurs. But...DAMN is it a chore to just get through a day sometimes.
I suppose my next task will be to taper off the Xanax, which, of course, if causing more anxiety. I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Today is a manageable day! Jon Z.