Chronic Pain members - Welcome, please introduce yourself

Well I had told him I do not want to be a burden so it is more me that asks very little of them. I'm talking about maybe one or two things a year at most and sometimes not even that much. No I have not addressed that because it is more one daughter alluding to the fact that the other daughter said it when they had talked about taking turns helping me approximately 2 years ago this fall I believe.

When I print it out my health conditions problem list and showed it to them individually, I told them that I felt I was put into this position to have to validate myself because of that comment. Neither one owned it and both of them barely reacted when seeing my very long list of diseases and conditions on paper. I cannot explain it, I do not get it. They have issues and were very much in the beginning of the victim mentality and entitlement mentality.

They have very good hearts and they have servant Hearts but it's more for friends and church family than for me. It hurts.

Like I said, they are both extremely busy and overcommitted but at the drop of a hat they can run to someone else's side.

I was married to their dad for 17 years and he was abusive. Children will always take out there pain/anger on the parent whose love they are most secure in and they will always try to please the parent whose love they are trying to win. A professional told me that their thinking is something like, oh well mom, she loves me, she'll forgive me.

I have told them that it is not the divorce that is responsible for their pain but more so the 17-year toxic marriage. I did not say anything bad about their dad nor do I except for when they became adults and have their own children and would make a comment here and there but I could count on one hand the times I had to say anything and that is different times to different kids so it wasn't much. I don't believe in doing that. Only when a conversation or something they said called for it.

I'm pretty sure that I have asked them to go to counseling together over the years and in fact it go to counseling just once right before the divorce but it did not go well.

Oh well it is what it is. It is an inconvenience to them that I am ill and I'm sure they have resentment that I have been unable to help in physical ways over the years although they have acknowledged I give a lot to my grandkids and they know that we have a very close relationship.

Thank you for your input, Sunny flower

It sounds like your marriage was difficult on you and the relationships within the family but it's wondering that you are close to your grandchildren. I'm sure they love you very much.

Oh yes, I have already said they are legitimately extremely busy and overcommitted. But, all of us can usually make time to do what we want. Just saying. A little of this and a little of that in this equation. I 'm exhausted taking about it. 🤗🌹🙏 PS: When the ladies in the bible study group I taught complained they didn't have time to do their lesson, I would say that "God is the creator of time and He can certainly multiply ours when we put Him first". And that's the truth! 😊

@sunnyflower
Sunny, I hear you about being exhausted talking about this. Life is all about relationships with other people. And as much as we try to give love and accept love it's really all a crapshoot as to how it all turns out. The hurts we sometimes feel do one thing and that is make us think. But we all come in to the world alone and in the end we will all leave alone. So, as you have mentioned before, it ends up that the relationship with God is all we have ultimately. The hurts that come in life we just suck up and try to learn from. They make us question life, and questioning is good. And I know I'm not telling you anything Sunny that you don't know already. Best, Hank

Hi all, I see this discussion has turned to family dynamics and specifically missing grandchildren during the time of COVID. I'd like to direct you to this related discussion that may interest you:
- Grandmas and grandpas...opportunity knocks! Ideas during COVID https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/hey-there-grandmas-and-grandpas-opportunity-knocks/

I also think a new discussion about family dynamics and navigating them as we age would be a great new discussion in the Aging Well group: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/aging-well/

Let's return this conversation back to the topic of managing chronic pain.

I’m 65 and have had chronic chronic pain since getting injured in the Navy when I was 19. To give you an idea of how much it involves, my service connected disability total is 180% because it has evolved into Sever Systemic Disease. I mistakenly didn’t question being on 480 tp 500 mg of morphine a day for many years. I was careful not to take it to get high but I wasn’t able to just grin and bear it because my heart is part of that disability, 100% for that and 80% for skeletal issues. I went through a 10 day detox in the hospital in February of last year after a colonoscopy and endoscopy didn’t show a cause for the pain so I was diagnosed with Narcotic Bowel Syndrome and a detox was supposed to be the only treatment. The constant abdominal began after emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder and the endless complications afterwards. Now that pain controls my life. There were times when the ortho pain was so bad that I could only walk a few steps using a walker because if I pushed it my defibrillator would knock me on my butt because of the SVT that it caused. But even with all of that going on I was able to volunteer at the VA for years and could take care of myself. The chronic GI pain doesn’t allow me to think clear enough to do much of anything. There’s a reason for the term “Its Like. Getting Hit In The Gut”, having pain there doesn’t allow you to concentrate on anything else but how to make it stop. It fills you with anger and limits your ability to cope with anything that is going on around you, including the other chronic pain. My GI Dr at UTSW here in Dallas is referring me to the Mayo Clinic after not finding anything that would explain the pain after an EUS and ERCP two weeks ago. I’m sure that it’s only the GI patients that truly understands the difference in having really bad GI pain and what it does to their lives. I’d sell my soul to make it stop so I’m hoping that the Mayo Clinic’s Dr’s won’t make me have to.