Where do you want to grow old?

People have many options for living arrangements as an older adult, like living in a house with a group of friends (think Golden Girls), going to a 55+ community, or staying in your own house.

What are your plans? Where do you want to grow old?
or
What choice did you make? What are the the pros and cons of your arrangement?

What advice do you have for others?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

@ginger123

I started a reply, and it disappeared before I was finished, so will try again!
$35/hour for private care is min. In the Seattle area. And, retirement communities run anywhere from $5,800 and up. Mostly up. Then, if you need assisted care in the facility, add by level of care - $1,500 to at least $5,000….
You are right… it’s all expensive….. And, quality of care differs from State to State. More and more facilities are dropping Medicaid and taking private pay only residence now…. At least in our area.

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We have to hope to die suddenly and avoid lingering!

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@ginger123

I started a reply, and it disappeared before I was finished, so will try again!
$35/hour for private care is min. In the Seattle area. And, retirement communities run anywhere from $5,800 and up. Mostly up. Then, if you need assisted care in the facility, add by level of care - $1,500 to at least $5,000….
You are right… it’s all expensive….. And, quality of care differs from State to State. More and more facilities are dropping Medicaid and taking private pay only residence now…. At least in our area.

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I assume you mean $5,800 and up a month?
Is that the pay-as-you-go way? Or is it a huge bunch of money up front and then more expenses once you're in?

This stuff is hard to understand.

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@beryl2

We have to hope to die suddenly and avoid lingering!

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My wish, too!

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@magia

I assume you mean $5,800 and up a month?
Is that the pay-as-you-go way? Or is it a huge bunch of money up front and then more expenses once you're in?

This stuff is hard to understand.

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Yes, $5,800 per month rent to start. Usually a “small” additional up front fee of $8-10,000, but you can negotiate that. Rent usually includes one meal a day. The buy ins around our area are mid 6 figures, plus $6-8,000 a month.

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@baa

I read these comments with interest and thought how fortunate some folks have options. Unfortunately, many of us don’t. I don’t have the money for senior communities or options I would enjoy. I am alone. Bless those of you who are enjoying this stage of your life-

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It is difficult and frightening. My elderly aunt found an apartment building where she made friends with several neighbors of varying ages and lifestyles. Though she had no children and her husband was deceased, she maintained contact with elderly sisters-in-law who were in similar situations and many relations. She spread her need requests carefully so that people were glad to see her and didn't feel burdened. She was able to live in her home until the last week of her life.
Those of us who don't have relatives nearby need to think carefully about developing a range of supportive friendships. What options are available?

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Focusing on the question from my reply to baa:
Folks with extended family nearby can distribute requests for help and companionship to "weigh lightly" on family members.
Those of us who do not have family nearby and have moved to a new location need to find new friends to share our life support needs and capacities.
What are the ways folks have found new friends?

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We currently live in the same town as one son and his family. We have a vacation home about 2 hours from a daughter and her family. We bought the vacation home 12 years ago to be closer to our daughter who was expecting our first grandchild. The plan was to retire there. Well 2 years later my son who was living abroad moved to the town we are in with his wife and daughter. They mow have three children and it is the joy of my life to be a part of their lives as they grow. Fast forward, my husband is now retired, we got a dog during the pandemic and husband prefers to spend more time in the vacation home. It is a better climate. He wants to downsize and sell our house here and rent an apartment. The housing/apartment market here is not great. I am thinking we should just sell the vacation house, but he doesn’t want to give it up. We bought at a great time and now prices there are through the roof. Not sure what we will do, but i am realizing the importance of have a local support system as we age.

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Living in an independent living facility is great if you can afford it.

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@edsutton

Focusing on the question from my reply to baa:
Folks with extended family nearby can distribute requests for help and companionship to "weigh lightly" on family members.
Those of us who do not have family nearby and have moved to a new location need to find new friends to share our life support needs and capacities.
What are the ways folks have found new friends?

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For me it would be to join the local church and then see what volunteer opportunities are available...good luck.

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@walk4life

We currently live in the same town as one son and his family. We have a vacation home about 2 hours from a daughter and her family. We bought the vacation home 12 years ago to be closer to our daughter who was expecting our first grandchild. The plan was to retire there. Well 2 years later my son who was living abroad moved to the town we are in with his wife and daughter. They mow have three children and it is the joy of my life to be a part of their lives as they grow. Fast forward, my husband is now retired, we got a dog during the pandemic and husband prefers to spend more time in the vacation home. It is a better climate. He wants to downsize and sell our house here and rent an apartment. The housing/apartment market here is not great. I am thinking we should just sell the vacation house, but he doesn’t want to give it up. We bought at a great time and now prices there are through the roof. Not sure what we will do, but i am realizing the importance of have a local support system as we age.

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Maybe consider his idea to downsize and get a nice place with amenities like a pool or garden that he might consider taking the place of the summer house...good luck !

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