Grief in Times of Celebration: The Empty Spot

@mikaylar
Mikayla - My heart is heavy for you. I am deeply saddened and sorry to learn of your unexpected, tragic loss. I can't pretend to understand, the only thing I can do is tell you that I too am here to offer support.

Without knowing this news, I was wondering how you were doing since we last spoke about your daily persistent headaches. I decided to check up on you this evening and came across this post. Your words about not dealing with your grief at this time due to your headaches tells me enough. It's understandable considering the stress and pressure the head endures when suffering from a chronic headache condition. I lost my mother-in-law and my canine best friend within 2 months apart recently, and my chronic head condition suffered.

If you're up to talking about your current treatments and how they are working for you, I am hear to listen. If not, I understand and respect your privacy at this time. Please take good care. Sending many hugs of support and compassion your way.

Thanks Rachel!! My MRI showed a 1.2 mm aneurism in my brain. This may be the answer to my headaches. Waiting to hear from neurologist. Wish me luck. Thanks for hugs. Mikayla

I divorced an abusive ex 5 years ago, but am still having nightmares of him and how he treated me. I’ve tried sleep aids, anxiety medications and nothing helps. The worse part is it left me without family or friends because I moved out of state to be far away. Now my biggest problem is trusting people. I moved to a Senior living apartment, but still feeling like I’m alone even among people, so most of my time I stay in my apartment. I talk to one friend over the phone occasionally and go do my wash and clean my already clean apartment. I talk with a Psychiatrist who has me on anti-depressants and anxiety medication. The big relief I have is my faith in God. He is everything to me. There is a saying “If you have God You have all You Need”
But sometimes I want so desperately to interact with people. I was married to this person for 34 years and have read much about Narcissistic Personality and he did all the things that the books say. I want to get back to the fun loving active person I was, but at 68 years old I feel there’s nothing I can do except keep my faith, listen to Christian music and watch faith based programs and movies. Is this what I should accept at 68 or is there something I can do or read that will help. I’ve talked with therapists over the last couple of years, but find what they tell me to do is still too difficult.
Any help is appreciated and God Bless All who read this or are going through similar situations. I would love to help anyone in a marriage like mine was so they don’t wait 30+ years to leave it waiting for the person to change. It doesn’t happen much if ever.

Hello- I wanted to wish all of us a peaceful holiday season. This is my first without my husband, David. We were married for 45 years. He passed away in April. It's been extremely difficult, to say the least. Yesterday, a friend's son, who helps me a lot, helped set up my little Christmas tree. I have it on a table. It doesn't look as small, and it has lights.

One thing that happened was getting a warm feeling of the memory when we bought it and the tree ornaments that we collected. Usually, I feel a huge sense of loss and pain, so this really was a welcome relief!

It's been eight months, almost 10 months since I lost David. He was my soulmate and best friend. He was a brilliant man who never tried to answer questions, especially about science and history. He was a happy spirit but now it's up to me to stand alone. I'm frightened of this but look forward to a day when I can see how straight I stand.

On that note, I will be having Christmas morning alone with my cat. I hope that she likes the toy that I got for her. I won't have any presents to open so I'm glad that my tree is small. But later that I'll go to my sister's for present exchanges and lunch!

I hope that you all have a peaceful holiday. What will you be doing?

Merry

Good Morning, Merry,
I, too am spending my first Christmas without my sweet husband of 44 years. He passed away last month after suffering a stroke, and dealing with colon cancer all at the same time. It still doesn’t seem real at times. I know that he would want me to go on, and live life fully, but as you say, it is so very hard to be standing alone. Unfortunately we lost our son a year ago…..so we had both been dealing with that grief as well.

You asked what others will be doing for Christmas. I will be spending the weekend at a niece's, and visiting other family in that area, a few hours from my home. My daughter will be there also. Slowly we put one foot in front of the other, and try to make sense of our new worlds.
Wishing you some more warm feelings, and maybe a little bit of peace from time to time in the next few days.

@opheli- I would love to hug you! You have certainly had your share of losses. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband and your son. Years ago, I lost a niece who was my twin sister's daughter. She had been living with me and my husband and had just moved to her own apartment.

My grief counselor just told me that we will always think about our loved ones. But time will ease the pain and they will be replaced by happier times. If it helps I'm just starting to see glimpses of warm and happier times.

Please stay well, and take time for yourself even if it means just reflecting! I need to write my feelings down as an outlet. I had started to do that but stopped as it was too hard. I think that I can do that now.

What is your outlet?

Merry

Merry, Thank you, I would welcome that hug! I’m sorry about your niece, it sounds like you were close to her. It's so tragic with young people, with so much life ahead of them.

I know what you mean about writing down your emotions. I have had so many of them over the past year, and also found it difficult to write them down. Shortly after losing my son, I found a clergyman who has helped me immensely, and brought meaning back to my faith. I do find much solace in that. I have not been able to attend a grief group, but am hoping that eventually I can do that. Yoga is another outlet that has helped me more than I would have realized. My dog is also great therapy, as I’m sure your cat is to you. Animals are amazing at how they instinctively know what we need.

Thank you for reaching out….it is such a comfort to know others are out there.

@opheli- There are virtual grief sessions. I don't go in person. There are so many people needing counseling that it would be impossible to handle them all in person.

I'm sorry that you have to put off grief groups, but perhaps you can find one on-line!

Merry

Merry, I just personally have not been able to do a grief group. I think with my husband's illness, and actually sort of grieving that this past year, I just felt too "scattered" to do an online or in person grief group. I may try one soon, even if I just listen. My daughter has been doing one for her brother and has found it very helpful. Thank you….

@opheli- It took me a while, too. I still feel scattered and not very organized. I believe that I am in need of a schedule! I'm glad that your daughter is taking care of herself! It's difficult to lose a sibling!

Take care, please check in every now and then!