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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Mar 17 6:30pm | Replies (762)Comment receiving replies
My situation is perhaps easier than others, but it is hard still. Last year my husband of 50 years died. My children are living all over the country and I found myself alone. So I started going to a Senior Center and met a wonderful man there, who had early dementia, but I was unaware of that. We have been keeping company for 9 months now and his disability is more obvious now. What troubles me is that I cannot be the only one for him. His son does help out one day a week, but he was out of town last week. My friend drove (scary) over to see me and was very confused, not sure if he lives with me or what. I tried every day to call his son.. no response. I kept him here at my house for 3 days, washing his clothes, making him shower, etc. After that I was expecting out of state company and I had to ask him to go home. I finally reached one of his sons who lives across the country and he just said not to worry. He has no one but me and I am exhausted with both his parttime care and my own life. The local son feels that his dad is fine without anyone, but I know he is as lonely as I am too and I don't have dementia. I think they feel he would have been better off had he not met me, but he is happy with me and I with him. I am worried that I didn't have anyone to reply when I called. What if he has an accident driving? or heart attack? I am not responsible for his care, but I do care about him. Maybe there is no solution. It seems to be hard on his sons. Should I just stop seeing him? I think they may want me to let him be alone. The local son told me, "It's not your fault, but he is worse now because you have upset his schedule." Any thoughts?
Replies to "My situation is perhaps easier than others, but it is hard still. Last year my husband..."
My situation is some different, but still the same in many ways. My wife of 64 years has serious dementia, and I am trying to learn to cope. It is not easy, as you know. This morning my wife could not find the bathroom. She complains constantly that I will not let her drive. And I am dying of several cancers, multiple myeloma, diabetes, LGMD(r2383) and other diseases. Probably this year. Anyway, no advice to give. Just know you are not alone. oldkarl
My wife has dementia she is 70 she was told years ago by her Dr. she couldn’t drive safely anymore and luckily that’s all it took. I’m a 14 year cancer survivor and even though it’s been 14 years I still receive yearly checkups so sometimes I have to leave my wife alone. When I come home she has moved all kinds of stuff because she lonely, and we do take daily bike rides or drives in the car and she always waving or trying to talk to people.
Just because they have a dementia or any disease doesn’t mean they are better off alone even if it just watching tv
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I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing. It sounds like a complex and emotionally challenging situation. It's clear that you care deeply for this man and want what's best for him, but you're also feeling the strain of managing his care alongside your own life.
Communication with his sons seems crucial. It might be beneficial to have a candid and compassionate conversation with them to express your concerns and discuss how to best support their father. Understanding their perspectives and finding a compromise that considers everyone's well-being could be helpful.
Consider seeking support from local senior care services or support groups that specialize in dementia care. They might offer advice, resources, or assistance to help lighten the load and ensure the best care for him while considering your own well-being.
Ultimately, the decision to continue the relationship or not is deeply personal. It might be worth considering options that prioritize both your needs and his well-being. Remember, it's okay to seek help and support for yourself during this challenging time.