Connect
Depression, anxiety, eating disorders & suicidal thoughts.
Hello,
I’m sort of new here. But I didn’t have the courage to write… reading mostly all the comments… thinking no one would answer what I write because most of the time that’s what people do with me, it’s like the frase “when you walk into the garden what flower do you pick out ?” (The pretty one), it’s my type of situation where I’m just nice to everyone and try to please everyone’s needs, because the truth is I’ve never been accepted for being me. I’ve come to share my story like many have already done… I’ve overcome suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, despression and anxiety, but I’m still having one or two days where I’m just out, I’m down I have horrible anxiety when I go to bed, I recently had a trigger with a girls story from here in Madrid that committed suicide in city center, she shared her story via Instagram before jumping and that triggered me I’ve never actioned but I’ve had that “I’m free and numbed the pain” in wanting to take my life away. But in reality life is a gift… and the only thing I have overcome completely is the eating disorders I had four out of the five that exist since I was 12 years old up until a few years ago when I was 24 so it was a lot of time before I took action to find professional help and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. But I’m still on the struggle but way better and happy and more at peace but sometimes difficult times could just trigger, I take anti depressants and sometimes when I need them anxiety pills all prescribed by my psychiatrist 👩⚕️. I’ve never been in a group before but I’ve been wanting to be in one and experience it. It feels nice to talk about it it just helps to be heard and to have people around you that have gone through similar things talk about their experiences as well. A support group ! Anywho , here in Madrid in Europe in general the whole subject is very low key still, they aren’t as open and adnvanced as we are in the subject like in Mexico and United States and other places in the world, yes there are a few here and there but rarely any talk groups available here in Madrid, they do have phone lines to call if needed, but it does frustrate me specially when the beautiful girl who committed suicide last week. I wish I could of talked to here or meet here and help her and tell her she’s not alone and tell her my experience… I just wish people would care a little more about giving love and support but everyone around me just doesn’t give a f*ck I’m never taken seriously and everyone just steps on my kindness or takes advantage of it WHY TF ! I’m sick of that. The world is messed up nowadays… hard to find kind people. That sometimes makes it hard to cope with any situation. Everything I have experienced since I was 12 has been because external people have manipulated me, stepped on me, treated me badly, not caring for me, toxicity, mistreatment, violence always present in my family to fix things and so it was hard to come off that.
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health Support Group.
Connect
Big tight hug. You are brave ! You make a difference just writing your story ., thank you 🙏
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
6 Reactions@giovanadg Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! It takes bravery to open up and share your story, whoever you are and whatever the story may be. We only have words we put on a page, so we cannot see the tears in someone's eyes when they read our post, or feel their hug as they want to reach out to us in support. For me, getting things out onto paper/screen, or doing something to create the story [painting, poem, drawing, etc.] gets the energy out of my mind and heart, and lessens the burden.
As @mynushooz1 said, you just made a difference. I bet there is someone reading your post, nodding their head because it sounds familiar to them. Will they say something? Maybe. Maybe not. But either way, it's a great thing you did!
You have taken another step in getting yourself healthier, and you have done a lot already. I will be in your cheerleader section, rooting you on, shouting "YAH!" for every step you take. Okay? Now, what are your next plans?
Ginger
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
9 ReactionsThank you 💖. It did feel nice to say it out in the open to be honest. Sometimes, if I talk about it with my parent or husband, they are there but they don’t understand the depth of the emotions I’m feeling and even though I’m thankful for their support specially my husband because my parents sort of just brush it off, I guess they just want me to be ok and that’s it, and well I just found out about this page and a lot of people talk about whatever it is they are going through so it’s awesome to be able to do it online ! Thank you for writing
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsMy next plans are growing in work and personal life. Maybe start a family which is something me and my husband have talked about, just want to make sure I’m in the right state of mind and really fix the inner issues to provide my future family with all the love and care and education they need. I really feel responsable for that so, time will tell 😊. So far I have been working on myself to be better and stronger. Thank you for writing 🙏🏻.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 Reactions@giovanadg Good for you! And try very hard to not be hard on yourself. Be gentle with your timelines. There will be days or periods you make progress, some days things might seem to slide backwards. "All in due time" as they say.
Ginger
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsI want to express my gratitude for your courage and bravery in reaching out to others. Kindness is never lost, we may not see the reservoir that we fill with our concern and care for others, but it is never lost. Reaching out and sharing is a way to transform this crappy but wonderful world we live in and rebuild daily.
As a parent of someone who has struggled with self harm, eating disorders, depression and anxiety, suicidal ideation, and daily fear; I hear your words.
I want to suggest something to you (but know that your secrets are still yours). Could you be neuro divergent? on the spectrum? We are many and women are incredibly good at creating masks without even realizing that they/ we do that. Do not be afraid to explore all explanations and do not ever believe that you are less than the perfection of divine creation.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 Reactions@giovanadg perhaps you could inquire about other diagnoses when you next follow up with your psychiatrist. As @jaunitag suggested you could ask about “neuro divergent”, the spectrum, or possibly bi-polar. An accurate diagnosis is important.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction