Connect
← Return to Interested in how other caregivers survive
Discussion
Interested in how other caregivers survive
Caregivers | Last Active: 4 days ago | Replies (130)Comment receiving replies
I am the caregiver for my husband who has Dementia and Heart failure. I am fortunate because he turns in about 8-9 p.m. Then I read or watch a movie, usually PBS, or listen to my favorite songs.
I do have occasional meltdowns and he gets upset if I yell, so I quietly cry with tears streaming down my cheeks instead. He doesn’t say anything as I cry, but afterwards he starts taking care of what I have been asking him to do for weeks or months. I feel relieved after a good cry and he gets the message. I don’t cry on purpose and I’m quiet, no yelling or drama, and no guilty feelings because I upset him.
He has messed the sheets and bedspread with feces only once so far. I didn’t make a big deal about it. Just put the sheets and bedspread into the washer right away, cleaned his backside with a warm soapy wash rag that goes in the wash. I try to make him feel this is normal and nothing to get upset about, just part of his disease. I open a window, or put a fan on or use a spray to help with the odor. Using a heavier Depends or putting a large towel where he sleeps is all we do right now. Anything can be replaced, except for him. I’m not concerned about material things or cleaning him up.
His memory slows him down and patience is not my forte. I do get frustrated when he asks me something over and over. I am concerned about his driving and go with him to guide him. He says he is not ready to take a driving test that will determine once and for all if he can drive. This is a difficult decision that I must make for him.
I hope this helps you.
Replies to "I am the caregiver for my husband who has Dementia and Heart failure. I am fortunate..."
You have a lot on your care giver plate right now. It sounds like you are doing a great job taking care of him and yourself.
I took care of my Mother & her dementia for about 10 years (4 at home & 6 in nursing facility). Deciding whether our loved ones drive is extremely difficult. I found out that in MI, a letter can be sent to the Secretary of State with general medical information about Mom & why a driving test is needed. It was then done anomalously without her knowing it was her son that turned her in. Your car insurance could also be a problem if you knowingly let him drive with dementia.
Just remember, you are doing a very good job taking care of him.
This is extremely difficult and you will make the right decision for you.
Take care
I am just starting that journey with my husband. Having already gone through it with his parents, I am tired just thinking about it. We do have medicine now that wasn't available when his dad was ill, but nothing is guaranteed that it will work. We do live in a nice community that is very helpful (over 55 and gated).
I have friends that I can talk to here. That helps relieve some of the stress. I hope you have some relief with friends, family and care groups (doctors, etc).
My husband can still drive but I don't let him go out by himself. He has always gotten lost!
We have all papers up to date with trusts, power of attorney, medical power of attorney.
I am grateful for sharing your experiences. It gives me comfort and your text gives me instruction for situations not yet encountered but prepares me to do do. Thank you very much. May God continue to show His grace on you and give you joy and strength in caring for your loved one.
Connect
Thank you!
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.