My plastic surgeon at my last visit

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful reply. ❤️

Yeah, I didn’t feel there were any choices offered, it was just, here is what we are going to do and here are the risks (they did a great job of explaining all that,)

No implants because they were partial mastectomies and reductions/lifts.

I think I will be fine with these once they heal (I just hate how they look now because I’m only one month out and the scars are gruesome and the swelling makes them look weird) but I think I needed to have a moment to mourn my old self.

I know I am so much luckier than so many, so I should count my blessings.

It’s just…I guess it felt bad to have a doctor TELLING me how I felt (and being wrong about how I felt) rather than asking me.

I’m sure doctors are far too busy to ask patients how they feel about all this.

I just wish they understood, this is not a happy thing, not a celebration.

It feels like toxic positivity and fake and I hate it. I hate that I feel coerced to be all happy and gleeful like it’s the best Christmas present ever that I have cancer.

I know it’s always best to keep a positive mental attitude but there are other emotions that come with this and I wish those other emotions were allowed and not forbidden.

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful reply. ❤️

Yeah, I didn’t feel there were any choices offered, it was just, here is what we are going to do and here are the risks (they did a great job of explaining all that,)

No implants because they were partial mastectomies and reductions/lifts.

I think I will be fine with these once they heal (I just hate how they look now because I’m only one month out and the scars are gruesome and the swelling makes them look weird) but I think I needed to have a moment to mourn my old self.

I know I am so much luckier than so many, so I should count my blessings.

It’s just…I guess it felt bad to have a doctor TELLING me how I felt (and being wrong about how I felt) rather than asking me.

I’m sure doctors are far too busy to ask patients how they feel about all this.

I just wish they understood, this is not a happy thing, not a celebration.

It feels like toxic positivity and fake and I hate it. I hate that I feel coerced to be all happy and gleeful like it’s the best Christmas present ever that I have cancer.

I know it’s always best to keep a positive mental attitude but there are other emotions that come with this and I wish those other emotions were allowed and not forbidden.

This comment below is so true and the word used was allowed! We absolutely need to be allowed to grieve. Being allowed to grieve is healthy and actually makes grief all the more brief. Sometimes you might even have a loved one ignore your pain, as if you and or the problem don't exist. We must all remember that grief is a process and it does get better, but everyone needs support through the grieving process and given validation that it's normal, it's purposeful and lets work together to move through it, no matter how long it takes. Some parts of life require grief, it's that simple, and when someone is made to feel guilty about it, it can actually drive someone into depression and anxiety. So if someone is handing you toxic positivity run away from them and find someone supportive and gives good hugs and great ears for listening and reassures you.

And that's my "dime store" opinion and rant for today, my apologies.

I know it’s always best to keep a positive mental attitude but there are other emotions that come with this and I wish those other emotions were allowed and not forbidden.

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful reply. ❤️

Yes, that is exactly it, it’s hard to look at myself and see those ugly gross scars. I don’t see “me” anymore in the mirror and I think I will need some time to get used to the new me, and certainly time will be needed for the scars to fade.

There are great ideas given here, new bras, new clothes etc. and I’m grateful for those ideas and probably will do some of those things. For sure I will need new bras once I get through radiation and get to the six month healing mark.

I liked having bigger breasts because, well, a lot of males in the world like bigger breasts and my husband is no exception. And while he says these will look very good when they heal up I have to wonder what he really thinks deep down. I just feel less attractive without the larger breasts. It’s true they were a hassle in some ways, but most of my life I was a b cup and men I dated before I was married all expressed disappointment with that,

So I have all those feelings. It will take me some time to learn to be happy with the new me, is all.

Unfortunately every family has different reactions. I am the Mom of 4 (still living here) and married to my husband for close to 30 years. I am the caretaker of the family and a strong person but when this all happened no one wanted to acknowledge it. I drove myself to radiation after a double mastectomy and lymph node removal every day. I think it wasn't that they didn't care but they thought if they didn't see it; it wasn't happening. It was very hard but made me realize how strong I am. I wish the best for all of you! Never give up!🌺

If it’s at all helpful, I can tell you my husband loves my new breasts even though they’re smaller. After about 6 months I went looking for lacey pretty bras - something I felt I never could wear because I needed the support. I need to go shopping again - I didn’t buy sexy enough!! I can tell my husband appreciates that I feel more feminine with a lacey nothing bra than I did with my old bras.
I had tried to include him in this whole process because I guessed that he too would be dealing with the fear, the change, the uncertainty of what came next. We walked around Macy’s bra section a couple weeks before surgery. I showed him what a A cup, B cup, C cup looked like. I’m sure anyone nearby thought it was an odd conversation 🙂
I was trying to prepare him, us, for what was to come. He said what was really helpful to see photos of post-surgery breasts with all the stitching, swelling, etc and then see the “after” photos. I think it made him a bit more comfortable that the outcomes weren’t so gruesome. A lot of those photos are available on plastic surgeon websites for breast reduction (not cancer).
I had also decided that I might get a beautiful tattoo on my breast(s) after surgery. I don’t have any other tattoos - but they can be really beautiful. I haven’t done it - my breasts look pretty good as is, but it sounded like my husband thought it would be really sexy.
As someone mentioned before there is a grieving process. Allow yourself time to work through that.
You sound like a strong woman. You’ve already been through so much and yet you’re here posting that you have hope!
We all can do this journey together!

I too had a double mastectomy, both nipples gone to BRCA 2. But the scar was straight across, and i am the same size i was prior, so my skin was stitched up for the 1st surgery removing the tumor and breast. With all the bruising, I thought for sure my skin would die and I would have a wretched chest wall forever. Crazy bruising. But the plastic surgeon put in an expander and did a great job. Found out a month or two later that radiation would possibly give me a 2% better chance of living and my new MO there said if I were family, he said it is not worth it. There is a cap on radiation, so it could still be on the table later if it was warranted. I had 13 rounds of chemo before this. Then I got COVID!! Then a Blood clot from that surgery. My left breast was not removed until December of 2022. 10 months after the left side. At my post op 7 days after my surgery with the implants in, the hematoma i took pictures of and showed in the portal became a problem. That left side drain was not draining. Breast surgeon called the plastic surgeon who was on a plane for vacation called the COH hospital and at that hospital, I was in surgery within 4 hours of my arrival. Almost no food or drink all day meant I could have surgery. The breast was opened again, hematoma cleaned, area evacuated and cleaned and i was sewn back up. That drain tube was bigger than the other two i had had and was much easier to clean.
More fluid accumulation happened, but i wanted to end by saying noone can tell I had anything done. I am not sure if I will get nipples. For today, I have barbie boobs. The only thing that lets me know they are not mine is the nipples. I did think for a brief moment when I was getting the expanded that this was my chance at the bigger breasts i always wanted. Then I thought, I was 62. Really????

I too had a double mastectomy, both nipples gone to BRCA 2. But the scar was straight across, and i am the same size i was prior, so my skin was stitched up for the 1st surgery removing the tumor and breast. With all the bruising, I thought for sure my skin would die and I would have a wretched chest wall forever. Crazy bruising. But the plastic surgeon put in an expander and did a great job. Found out a month or two later that radiation would possibly give me a 2% better chance of living and my new MO there said if I were family, he said it is not worth it. There is a cap on radiation, so it could still be on the table later if it was warranted. I had 13 rounds of chemo before this. Then I got COVID!! Then a Blood clot from that surgery. My left breast was not removed until December of 2022. 10 months after the left side. At my post op 7 days after my surgery with the implants in, the hematoma i took pictures of and showed in the portal became a problem. That left side drain was not draining. Breast surgeon called the plastic surgeon who was on a plane for vacation called the COH hospital and at that hospital, I was in surgery within 4 hours of my arrival. Almost no food or drink all day meant I could have surgery. The breast was opened again, hematoma cleaned, area evacuated and cleaned and i was sewn back up. That drain tube was bigger than the other two i had had and was much easier to clean.
More fluid accumulation happened, but i wanted to end by saying noone can tell I had anything done. I am not sure if I will get nipples. For today, I have barbie boobs. The only thing that lets me know they are not mine is the nipples. I did think for a brief moment when I was getting the expanded that this was my chance at the bigger breasts i always wanted. Then I thought, I was 62. Really????