Thank you so much, Colleen. Yes, I have been doing a deep dive into all the ways in which I can give (and receive) in my community and, even, the non-human world. Through my time volunteering with hospice; meeting with, learning from and checking in on neighbors; and cultivating a, hopefully, mutual relationship with my local ecosystem. This is giving me purpose and much-needed energy and pain management. But it's still difficult sometimes to break through the blues of living in a culture that is, too often, disconnected in a real, visceral way.

My (former) recipient is still in the hospital and I can hear the worry in his voice when I call, so much a deviation from the optimism he once had. I think I can hear a frustration when I tell him how sorry I am; I don't want him to feel obligated to console me but to focus his energy on his own healing. But I guess I see myself in him in that way, too. Part of my healing is to tend to the healing of others. Even if it is to just bear witness.

No diagnosis on my part yet. I was just contacted by the Hematology clinic yesterday to set my initial consultation. Unfortunately, it may be another month before that so I have to sit and wait. But I'm a pro at that and I'm in good company.