Rest assured, @shampoou, that you are doing the right thing. I was diagnosed with HOCM nearly 25 years ago. Immediately after the diagnosis I was implanted with a defibrillator/pacemaker device as a precaution. On multiple occasions I received a barrage of shocks from the defibrillator which led to PTSD. I loved to drink through my 20's, but it was more of a binge situation where I would have a night of heavy fun followed by many days of abstaining and recovery. In my early thirties I began to have severe anxiety attacks after one particularly hairy event when I received eight shocks in sequence from my ICD. One hundred proof bourbon became my best friend soon after. By 35, cracking open a bottle at five o'clock became a daily ritual. I convinced myself that this was a "magical hour" and that all drinking before this was problematic. My habit was somehow normalised because I had the discipline to wait. Flash forward ten years and my largely asymptomatic HOCM had developed into chronic heart failure and an A/V block that required the implantation of a Bi-V pacemaker which my heart depended on for two years to keep me alive. Alcohol is highly cardio-toxic, especially in people who already have structural and functional abnormalities intrinsic to their heart. This is a fact that everyone seemed eager to share after my heart failure diagnosis. I was honest with my doctors about my drinking for years. Never once did complete abstinence enter the conversation. It was always "cut back a little". That's like telling a serial killer not to stab so much. At the moment, I am nearly two months post-heart transplant and two years sober. My history with alcohol was largely overlooked in the the transplant process because I have the genetic variant that is responsible for HOCM. I am grateful for the second chance that I have been given, but my regret is immense. Living with my new heart is a blessing and a curse, and I often feel that I am undeserving of the blessing and that I have earned the curse. The meds you are on (life-long) have horrible side effects, your immune system is extremely weak, and the tumult of emotions is overwhelming. While I may have eventually needed the transplant without the drinking problem, I am fairly certain that it would have occurred at a later stage of my life. And I am not suggesting that my path will be your path. Every case of HOCM is slightly different. New medicines are on the market and there are procedures available that improve the prognosis of a considerable number of patients-namely, ablations and myectomies. Educate yourself on the particular way that your HOCM has mis-shapened your heart, it's severity and possible treatment plans. It's hard to offer advice on sobriety because I had no other choice. If I had not quit I would have died. You have to find the thing that works for you. I went through a recovery program and a good deal of counseling following that. Having another human being who you can be totally honest with and who you count on to hold you accountable is a huge thing for me. I, also, found that journaling about my low points, regrets, excuses, negative motivations, etc. while they were still fresh helped immensely. I have a concrete record of that time in my life and I return to those writings often to reinforce my commitment. I think that every person has a deep well of strength that they are largely unaware of until they are called upon to draw from it. I wish you luck and good favor as you find your way.