Where do you want to grow old?

I totally agree. The rents will increase 10-15%/yr. And staffing is hit and miss. Night staffing is usually deficient to meet needs. Not to mention food quality…..

I have a partner that’s 12 years older. I’m 65 and he is 77. Life has got real hard in many ways, I’ve gotten quite ill, and now he’s getting dementia. Not sure what the future holds.

@gingerw, it sounds like you and your husband made a wise move in buying your home 4 years ago. If you ever do want to find a group community sometime in the future, you might want to investigate senior cooperatives. They are usually large apartment buildings with lots of public spaces, like banquet rooms, relaxing nooks in front of a fireplace, exercise room, workshop, extra storage, heated underground parking (at least in the North), guest suites for a nominal nightly charge, etc.

The difference between a co-op and regular senior apt building is that a co-op's residents own the building. You get on a waiting list, and buy a unit when one becomes available. (You can turn down open apts, and won't lose your place on the waiting list.) You buy it usually at a reduced price (often at only one-third its actual value), no closing costs. An elected group of residents forms the Board, and the Board sets all the policies and adjudicates any conflicts.

Many co-ops have units that run from $100,000 to $200,000. (There are also places that are fancier, with apts for several hundred thousand dollars.)

Along with the price of the unit, you will pay anywhere from about $1,000 to $2,000 per month in fees. That amount is pretty stable -- so you know what virtually all your expenses will be going forward. They do all the mowing, snow shoveling, security, etc . . . so you don't have to! Your fee goes to things like that, as well as to keep the place capitalized according to H.U.D. If you like to travel, no worries -- just lock the unit and go!

Much more to say, @gingerw, but I'd welcome you to private message me and I can tell you more if you want.

Good luck, and I sincerely hope you don't need to investigate something like this! (In other words, I hope your husband and you both have long satisfying lives.)

barscr2, do you have any family or friends thar can help you? Or maybe your insurance has some kind of home health help they could give to you. Good Luck to you. Or your town may have a volunteer service to help older people. AARP is a resource that may have answers for you.

Are you researching to learn what resources are available to you? There are people who offer specialized counseling for your situation. Try this site < https://www.aginglifecare.org/Shared_Content/ALCA_Directory/ALCA_Find_an_Expert.aspx&gt;

Ginger- Thank you for sharing your thoughtful, experienced based decision. My wife and I have reached a similar decision. We own our small home in a co-housing community in a suburb of Durham. A couple in our community are almost 90 years old, and are still going strong! Very inspiring for someone about to turn 75 (me). I've made modifications to our home- shower grab bars, downstairs walk in shower, ramp available to go down two steps if needed. Virtually all needs are available within 1-5 miles.
We are very proactive about our health and diet, and try to keep our home simple and well organized. I don't punch a time card, but I'm very active in my workshop. The man I learned from made musical instruments well into his 90s!
We have two dogs, a Havanese for my wife and a Hound for me, and they are very important for our health: optimistic, glad to be alive, tails wagging first thing of the day, and regular walks.
We are on the waiting list for a retirement community if necessary, but really hope to make it to the happy end in our home.

It depends where you live if at home caregivers will be less or more than assisted living places. Where I live in DC you would pay a 24/7 caregiver $25 if you were lucky per hour but with an agency it could be $35. That is a lot of money.

We have a neighbor who can hardly walk but he makes do at home with 8 hours of caregiving a day for which he pays nearly $8K a month. Then he has his normal house expenses.
Lets face it if you get to the stage of needing a lot of care it is going to be expensive unless you qualify for Medicaid.

I would like to grow old/live near one of our relatives and in a state with 5 star healthcare. Currently I am not doing either. ☹️

We have been in the same small 2 bedroom bungalow for 45 years raised 3 daughters here love the location. Summer of 2022 we remodeled the bathroom removed tub replaced with a walking shower add grab bars raised toilet non slip flooring.
Moved laundry to main floor took over hall closet and back bedroom closet hopefully we are set for the next 10/15 years

I started a reply, and it disappeared before I was finished, so will try again!
$35/hour for private care is min. In the Seattle area. And, retirement communities run anywhere from $5,800 and up. Mostly up. Then, if you need assisted care in the facility, add by level of care - $1,500 to at least $5,000….
You are right… it’s all expensive….. And, quality of care differs from State to State. More and more facilities are dropping Medicaid and taking private pay only residence now…. At least in our area.