There is no glory in aging, healthy or not healthy. No question, illness makes it worse. I wish I could make your condition go away.
It’s interesting to me that you mentioned what your life might be like when you are 70. Against many odds, I am now 70. I will tell you what my life is like now, but first a bit about the road traveled.
At 38 I was pregnant with my first child. During the 7th month I had a seizure and my son was delivered emergency C-section.
12 days later I had a nephrectomy and a large tumor removed which was attached to my kidney, having exhibited no symptoms other than causing occasional high blood pressure.
My son never left the NICU, and after 63 days he died in my arms. I love this child with all of my heart.
He was incredibly strong until he was not. We are not meant to outlive our children. I never expected my husband (I am no longer married) to blame me for our son’s death. I never regretted having that tiny baby. Nobody said life would be fair.
Time went on as time does. One healthy child and a few surgeries later life took another tough turn. In 2014 I was diagnosed with CLL. I was 61 and my daughter was 21. Although I never wanted to get chemotherapy, she still needed me. Horrible experience.
When it was over, I had a blown out thyroid and had gained 25 pounds. They put a fat drug in the party bag, although I told my oncologist not to do so.
Since chemotherapy I sustained a leg injury requiring three surgeries, screws and titanium to repair the damage. Many people with similar injuries are not able to walk. I can walk, swim, sail, ride my bike and ski.
Did I mention that I was raised in New England ? New England women are tough nuts to crack.
More recently I was driving a sports car on an interstate roadway in the mountains. I was hit by wind sheer and blown off of the road, twisted 180 degrees bounced on the back end of the car three times and landed 50’ behind where I began, headed in the opposite direction.
With 12 broken ribs, a broken clavicle, left lung punctured and two head bleeds I was found by the state police. Six days in a coma, two lung surgeries and five weeks in the hospital it is against all odds that I have survived any of these events.
My life at 70 is peaceful. I’m not 100% but I’m alive and able to respond to your post with this: we are all put on this earth for a reason. When we have fulfilled our purpose we are set free. You do not know how many lives you have helped simply by being alive.
Clearly you do not have an easy go of things. Think about all of the amazing people and places you might never have seen if you were not here now or at 70 or older. I’m grateful every time I go skiing and feel graceful. When I sail the power of the unseen wind and silence all around reminds me that life is fragile and care must be taken at all times. I’m not nearly as athletic as I once was, but I still try. I won’t stop until my body gives up.
Quite frankly, I believe it is this attitude that has kept me on the green side of the grass. Statistics would have buried me quite some time ago.
BTW, I also have days of extreme pain, days when it’s difficult to breathe and times when I stay on the ‘healing couch’ for a week or more at a time. It’s just a rest stop on the highway of life.
Maybe this word vomit was helpful, maybe entertaining.
Please know it comes from my heart.
Today is a couch day.
Back to my knitting.