How do you respond to offers of help?

I had to have a complete hip replacement. My husband had recently passed away and I was alone. I was forced to stay in one of those places called skilled nursing facilities. It's too bad no one who works there knows the meaning of skilled or nursing. All they do is cheat Medicare. When I was finally able to leave, I was fortunate to find a lovely healthcare lady who looked after me for two months. And no, there were no other offers of help. But oftentimes I ask for help, especially at the grocery store. When I have finished checking out I ask for help with my groceries to be taken to my car and unloaded. There are other instances where I need help and I am not afraid to ask for it. So in some sense it is the opposite of what is being discussed here, but I think this should also be discussed. Asking for help is not a sin.

My main offers to help was really to help my wife to drive me to therapy sessions. After I was back home, after the therapy sessions, they would stay with me to play card or board games until my wife/kids were back at home. Helping them helped me too.

After having four large surgeries in three years I still find it difficult to accept help from anyone other than my immediate family. I think most people don't want to hear about health issues because it depresses them without even realizing they're giving off that vibe. I find it best to remain positive and do what I can. As far as not accomplishing as much as I would like to I have to accept it. I try to make the best of it, after all what other choice do we have-lol! Wish you all the best!!! 🌺

Lisa, I commend you on your attitude.

I agree, the choice between working hard to recover and giving up really isn't a choice at all.

I find this very interesting. Shows how different we all are even under similar circumstances. My sister who lives 2500 miles away keeps saying she is coming here even if I tell her not to come. Close friend insists that when I go for treatment she will accompany my. I know both mean well and love them, but….
I live alone in a small house and having company, even if related, would make things more, not less, difficult for me. She doesn’t get it. Just wants to help.
Friend that wants to accompany me would feel compelled to pass on all my info to other mutual friends. It is what she would want if the shoe was on the other foot.
Because it is what they would want (and secretly think that I would too), it has become a difficult situation. It is the reason I didn’t tell anyone for months after I found out.
People mean well, but don’t hear you when you say thank you, but no thank you. I love you, but please don’t help me.
I told them both that I would call on them when I really needed the help.
How do I feel? Frustrated.

Tell them to come to my house.

I've got walls that need painting, a yard that needs raking, carpets that need cleaning, pots that need scrubbing...

I’m in your camp. I’m a recovery team of one and if I need help, I prefer to hire someone who will come in, complete the task, and leave.

I had lung surgery this year to remove a small nodule and it was frustrating to me that the doctor assumed if I have family in the area, they would come in and change my bandage over my chest tube wound. Seems they removed the chest tube prematurely and I had copious drainage. I had to chastise him that I preferred home health and was not leaving the hospital until he ordered a case manager to arrange home health visits. They came, changed the bandage, took a couple of vitals, were pleasant and left.

When my family came I let them help me put fresh sheets on the bed. They brought lunch so we ate and I convinced them I was fine. They went home and we were both relieved.

I realize it sounds unusual but I really prefer to be sick or wounded in solitude.

Thanks for your kind reactions @scottrl 😊. I will add that I’m not as churlish as my post sounds - I do enjoy people around - just not when I’m unwell.

Have a great day!

I understand. I'd always seen myself as the guy other people turn to for help, and suddenly being helpless myself (as I mistakenly thought at the time) was a difficult adjustment.

Fortunately, I have a wise spouse, who explained to me that I wasn't helpless, and that letting people help was a way of helping them, because they care about me and are trying to find a way to be part of this new phase of my life.

It took a while, but I overcame my unjustified shame at lying in a hospital bed or being pushed in a wheelchair, and realised that I could still give as well as receive. But it wasn't easy.

Thanks!