I've read comments from a lot of people here feeling pretty sorry for themselves, because of physical limitations/illness, because their kids or spouses are thankless jerks, because they retired and no longer feel useful - I hear all that loud and clear and I have been there, in some respects I am still there. I don't have any kids or a spouse, I've spent time questioning those decisions, but what's done is done. I retired on the young side because of a serious sleep disorder, compounded by dependency on a sleep med that actually makes my sleep worse, but I'm on it to avoid the excruciating extended withdrawal, which I have experienced, and it made me almost hope for death.

So I understand illness and not functioning at one's best, or some days not functioning at all. I always thought I would work in retirement, but there are several days each week I'm not worth shit, and I've concluded that's wouldn't be fair to an employer. In early retirement, and med withdrawal, I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself (I see a lot of that here) to the extent I became very depressed, it even spread into the days when I was rested. I had changed so much I didn't even recognize myself, I questioned the value of my very existence, and the point of living this life to its natural end, it had turned into such a miserable existence.

And then I had a serious talk with myself. Are you just going to sit back and let this crap-life consume you, or are you going to fight back with everything you've got? I finally chose fighting back. I suspected inflammation might be contributing to my very poor mood, in addition to the sleep deprivation, so I eliminated any food source of inflammation still in my diet - there wasn't much but I also eliminated or cut way back on foods that are high in histamine ( a lot of otherwise healthy ones), which if it overloads our systems can also contribute to inflammation. And I added anti inflammatory foods such as those containing omega 3 fatty acids, a powerful anti inflammatory known to improve mood by drastically reducing inflammation. Food as medicine.

I concentrated on reducing stress, which also contributes to inflammation and low mood. All these stories of sadness and regret and anger and resentment on this thread? That's stress. Ruminating on one's problems and how tough one has it, that's stress. I was guilty of all I am describing, and I had to find a way to let it go. I worked on counted breathing, meditating, taking joy from quiet moments in nature instead of spending the time being pissed off at a relative. And I reinvented my definition of value. There is value in helping other people, and there are a whole lot of other people in this world who are worse off than me. I made a quilt for a sick child in hospital, no idea who, it didn't matter. I began doing watercolor paintings on note cards and mailing greetings, messages of kindness or just funny fluff, to people I know. The painting itself is a lesson in mindfulness, enjoying the moment. And the joy that others experience in receiving something in the SNAIL mail besides bills brings me joy. I make double batches of food, to share half with someone who might not be able to cook, or just as a random act of kindness.
The anger or resentment toward certain humans that I have held onto and revisited over and over - that had to end, and it did. The relationship didn't get fixed, sometimes relationships are irreparable, and the best thing we can do for self preservation is Let That Shit Go. I don't practice religion, but I call my daily run "church" because being outside and being fit and breathing fresh air and being in nature fills me.

So much more, but I hope the message that comes across is that I have been an extremely unhappy person, who has realized that the only one responsible for my happiness is the one looking back at me in the mirror. If you don't like the hand that life has dealt you, YOU are the only one who can change it. It's the hardest work you'll ever do, but if you want to save yourself from the misery you are experiencing, you must take the steps to move in a different direction. Your life may never look like it once did, but you can still make it a worthy one. Nobody can do this for you. Best ~