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Just thinking out loud: Humans Alone vs Social

Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Oct 31, 2023 | Replies (37)
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@dollyme

Lot's to digest!

I am not a joiner, but am a social person who likes time alone. I come from a family of hermits and sub hermits.

I have seen how this works first hand and honestly they were unhappy, fearful HB's.

Wanting to be left alone, but afraid to be left alone, always wanting someone to check and see if they are ok, then slamming the door in their face.

This to me is a complex mental issue that can only be dealt with through therapy, which of course the hermit would never do, it is a continuous loop of self destruction.

I will look forward to your further findings.

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Replies to "Lot's to digest! I am not a joiner, but am a social person who likes time..."
sisyphus | @sisyphus | Oct 31, 2023

"Wanting to be left alone, but afraid to be left alone, always wanting someone to check and see if they are ok, then slamming the door in their face."

All except the "slamming" part is unHB-like. We all come with different levels of our need for connection or time alone. And mature people would understand that. I don't think being left alone is not a realistic fear, You need people who want Level-of-Connection and Aloneness You want. For this you need your flock.

I think the "slamming" part of you shows up bcz you feel they are not respecting what your boundaries are. Seek people who are genuinely closer to your level of need-for-connection. This is exactly where I happen to be. Tho I have not found my 'flock' of friends, it I believe is bcz there is general fear and aversion - SHAME - to be seen as someone in Need of a friend.

Cicero thought life wasn’t worth living without friends; Aristotle reminds us that friendship is necessary for a good life. It certainly can’t be something to feel ashamed about.

So why do we? My understanding is because WE believe that any attempt to even explore a potential friendship is to act as if I am a 'Loser' who no one seems to like. It's this flawed concept of friendship that has loneliness turned into an epidemic costing higher mortality (one estimate is 50 percent more in any seven year span vis-a-vis people who have no friends) and being as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or obesity.

We need not sacrifice our authentic selves bcz it makes society richer and more flourishing.

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