Sad News From Minnesota

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin with the grave site piled high with many flours.

Numerous celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the California Raisins, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Born in 1965 and bread in Minnesota, Poppin’ Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was never considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half baked schemes.

A little flaky, he was known as crusty man, but still considered a positive “roll” model to millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough; three children – John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough…plus, they had a bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly uncle, Pop-Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 15 minutes.

If you enjoyed reading this, rise to the occasion and share it with a friend who’s having a crumb-y day and kneading a lift.