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“In the midst of confusion, love is the only compass.”
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Oct 12, 2023 | Replies (37)Comment receiving replies
This health journey is going to become impossible for one person. You must tell her siblings the truth. If they decide to make changes in her life, then it is not on your shoulders. You should be enjoying your life as much as possible. Her diagnosis will lead to a path that at times is very depressing, discouraging, amd demeaning. You are doing more than what is expected of a friend and losing your own life and eventually your own identity when her family should be stepping in. The sooner you tell them the whole truth, the sooner you will be able to know what choices they will choose and then you can plan your own life.
The journey with any dementia is a hard one and is painful for all. There is no trajectory for an individual with a diagnosis of any one of the dementias. If her family does not show up (I would highly encourage you to tell them they have to come and visit her if their health will allow it) you will have to make some big decisions. Your friend, one day, will no longer know you her sweet personality may become unrecognizable. The pain is inevitable and the decisions are painful. If the family doesn't show up and you feel like you want to continue this journey, you will need a durable and a medical power of attorney to go forward and you will also need a legal guardianship. This will give you the ability to have access to her finances and to make decisions legally where no one can say you are abusing her. This is a big decision, but from my limited view point, one in which you have no choice but to contact her family. God bless you and hoping for a great outcome to this journey. You are a real gift to your friend and she is very fortunate to have someone that cares for her as you have. Hope to hear more on this decision.
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in reply to @teacher502 Thank you so very much for this response. I finally got to bed last night at 0100 and woke up at 0300 because of the stress associated with the "phone call." I must have cried for a good hour last night in my bathroom with the door shut so my neighbor would not hear me. However, I felt much better just releasing all of these feelings that have been building up.
Yes, I will call her sister this week and tell her the truth and also provide her with the number for the POA, who is leaving for Greece in 2 days. All of this is so heartbreaking, but I know it is the right thing to do because I am not sure that Joyce can continue to live alone in her apartment much longer. I am not going to abandon her, but will ever so slowly remove myself from the situation. One has to maintain their sense of compassion, right? I suspect that her sister will come down from Idaho and see Joyce, even though they are half sisters. Her "full" sister is much older and could not possibly make the trip, while her brother probably could do so along with the other sister.
I am dismayed that our mutual friend essentially "sugar coated" the situation, but probably did so as to not cause worry to the family. I told the friend yesterday that I plan to "spell it out" as best I can. Apparently, the family knows the woman who I suspect is taking advantage of Joyce, but I am not sure if I want to bring her into the conversation, other than to say that Joyce is very vulnerable and I am concerned about her finances. I may have mentioned that I fired off a letter to the bank after they refused to talk to me last week when I asked if the woman who has Joyce's checkbook is allowed to write checks without going into the branch to complete the legal paperwork necessary to allow such things. My god! I even copied the POA on this letter, and still no response. However, I have let this go. At this point I can only do what one good thing my mother taught me, and that was "to do the right thing."