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“In the midst of confusion, love is the only compass.”
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Oct 12, 2023 | Replies (37)Comment receiving replies
<p>If You Tell the Truth You Never Have to Remember Anything</p><p>As you know, I am taking care of my very good friend, Joyce. Today also happens to be my birthday, and we both got a laugh out of the three birthday cards she gave to me, because I had purchased them for her a few weeks ago when she asked me to pick up some greeting cards for her. At least she remembered, LOL.</p><p>By the way, that quote is from Mark Twain, as I am sure you knew.</p><p>A huge light went off in my brain last night while I was channeling Martha Stewart, again. Whenever I tell my doctor or a friend about Joyce, they always ask me if she has any family. She has 2 sisters and a brother in another state. She has not contacted them in months, and instead another mutual friend has been in touch with them telling them that she is doing well and that "Fran is making sure she gets what she needs, does everything for her, and she is only having some "slips" in terms of her memory."</p><p>Well, all of us caregivers know what a "slip" is, right? I just turned 62 today and I have "slips" on occasion, and usually remember later where I have sat something down, like earlier when I was trying to find a gift card someone gave me today. Joyce is not having "slips" but rather is totally out of touch with reality, sadly.</p><p>I have obtained the telephone number for the sister who is most likely to listen to me and "hear" what I am planning to tell her when I call her later this week. I ask of you caregivers: Should I lay it all out, including the information I sent to Joyce's doctor in my letter to her last week, and to which she responded suggesting a video visit with Joyce so she does not have to "go to the doctor." I actually spoke to Joyce about this today, and while she was hesitant, I explained that I only want her to breathe a little easier so that she does not cause any further damage to her heart, right? I think I mentioned that I had told her doctor that I did not want to witness my friend having a heart attack in my presence.</p><p>Should I "tell" as in "tell"?</p><p>That's my now deceased dog. I would have asked her first, as I am sure you understand. Thank you very much</p>
Replies to "If You Tell the Truth You Never Have to Remember AnythingAs you know, I am taking..."
You are a true angel and have gone way above and beyond what anyone should, could, and would do. Tears are a valuable resource and many times they clear out conflicting emotions and help us "see" clearer possible solutions and answers. Will say some prayers for you today that you will have the courage to make the call, the right words to say to clearly convey the truth, and peace in your heart to know you are doing the right thing for your friend. ❤️
Good morning, Frances. It's very nice to meet you. I am always amazed at what some people do to help others because it seems so rare these days. And as @teacher502 says, you are a true Angel. wear this badge with pride!
Then call her sister. This is one thing that I've done too, but family needs to take care of their own unless they have serious problems too.
Good luck and please let us know how it goes. Do you have any idea what you are going to say or how you will approach the sister?
Good morning, Frances. I’m nodding my head along with all the other members writing to you with advice for you and your friend. So I have nothing to add. But I did want to say Happy Birthday and thank you for being such a strong presence in the forum. You bring so many people together with your touching, life stories, your encouraging words of wisdom and compassion you have for others. I hope the joy you bring to the world is brought right back to you.
Will there be cake today? 🎂 💐
Frances- I had to listen to Carole King's song again to refresh my memory. lol. Make sure that yu are listening to her earlier work as he voice isn't what it used to be and I believe that she's remade some of her singles.
If I were you, I would mention and everything, especially someone who might be taking advantage of her! And I think that a conference call is the way to go. If they are going to step in, hopefully, and take care of a loving friend then they need to know everything. There isn't any reason that you can help every now and then too.
You might want to use Google for ideas. One time I had to google birthday cards because I couldn't think of anything to say. My brain just froze. And I found a perfect saying! lol
How are you feeling?
in reply to @merpreb The song is the "newer" version of the "older" one. I could replay that song a dozen times and never tire of it, or this other song, Disney Girls by Art Garfunkel. Wow
in reply to @merpreb Yes, and I am a typical Libra. My friend Joyce did my numerology chart some time ago and it was so "right on." She used to make $1500 a month doing charts for people, and has recently given me all of her materials so that I can do them for others. It is really quite fascinating, and the topic of numerology, as you know, goes back centuries. Would you like me to do yours? If so, I would need the year of your birth.
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This health journey is going to become impossible for one person. You must tell her siblings the truth. If they decide to make changes in her life, then it is not on your shoulders. You should be enjoying your life as much as possible. Her diagnosis will lead to a path that at times is very depressing, discouraging, amd demeaning. You are doing more than what is expected of a friend and losing your own life and eventually your own identity when her family should be stepping in. The sooner you tell them the whole truth, the sooner you will be able to know what choices they will choose and then you can plan your own life.
The journey with any dementia is a hard one and is painful for all. There is no trajectory for an individual with a diagnosis of any one of the dementias. If her family does not show up (I would highly encourage you to tell them they have to come and visit her if their health will allow it) you will have to make some big decisions. Your friend, one day, will no longer know you her sweet personality may become unrecognizable. The pain is inevitable and the decisions are painful. If the family doesn't show up and you feel like you want to continue this journey, you will need a durable and a medical power of attorney to go forward and you will also need a legal guardianship. This will give you the ability to have access to her finances and to make decisions legally where no one can say you are abusing her. This is a big decision, but from my limited view point, one in which you have no choice but to contact her family. God bless you and hoping for a great outcome to this journey. You are a real gift to your friend and she is very fortunate to have someone that cares for her as you have. Hope to hear more on this decision.