Thought of the Day from an individual suffering from depression

In your grief, I know it is hard not to be consumed by it, I know. But, try to focus on the wonderful memories you have over those 59 years. I envy you all the good memories you must have. My husband and I only had four years, and the last one and a half years were consumed by trauma from his illness, in and out of hospitals, two open heart surgeries..........even the birth of our daughter was tainted with the trauma......it is a long story, but I try to single out the really good moments. I try to focus on how much he loved me, how he treated me. Yes, there is still pain with every memory, but the happiness of those moments, that love, can fade the pain at least some. I am so grateful that I had him for the time that I did. I am so grateful that we had a child together, a symbol of our love. Are there tears running down my face right now? Yes, but they are good tears. I went from him to an abusive husband, so "grateful" doesn't even describe what those memories mean to me. I don't want you to misunderstand how I word this, because it is hard, but I am sure that it is really hard to have this loss at your age. My loss was when I was so young. I am 77 now, and so many of my friends are older than me, your age, and we deal with such loneliness. Other friends and family are also gone, people who could be so supportive. I really do empathize with you, with your loss at this time in your life l[you were 86 when you lost him, I believe?]. There is supposed to be a way to communicate "privately" via Connect. I can be here for you privately, or in this way, it doesn't matter to me. You can vent to me, which we all need in grief, and it is good to vent to someone who knows what you have gone through, and are going through. If the number of "your people" is limited, contact me. I do know your pain, and I am willing to listen at any time.
❤️Patricia

WOW, I am taken by your words, "because it's all I have". I think anyone who has loved and grieved can identify with that feeling, that thought. And, "grief is love, with nnowhere to go". WOW, again. Yes, "to know grief is to have loved". I am so touched by all your words, your wisdom, knowing these words identify with the pain you have experienced. It sounds like you have found your way into the "light", and these are reflections. I hope so. Your words have touched my heart.
❤️P

I understand what you say, I really do. I have only one child, and her two daughters [twins], and for reasons I do not know or understand, I too, have been abandoned. I made them my life. They were my dreams and hopes. I am told by my psychologist and friends that she is being abusive to me, and that I need to walk away. I have been trying to "fix" this for years, and I can't seem to give up. You say, "if i wasn't their mother, I'd walk away". I know, I know. She is my child, they are my grandchildren. They are my only family. How do I walk away.?That is truth to me. How do I walk away? Your words have spoken to me. I am here if you need to 'talk". I think you would be surprised how many adults, parents, like us, who find themselves in the same type of situations, and have no idea why. We are truly not alone. This is not how we were raised, and I don't think I raised my daughter this way. I was joyous at the idea that my parents moved closer to me, when they were my age, so that I could take care of them, look after them, near the end of their lives. They were both dead within 6 months of their move, and within 6 mos of each other's death. I would have loved to take care of them.
When I sob, I feel like a mother animal whose young have been taken, and who "bays" with her pain. No matter what, she is my "baby". I was so close to my granddaughters, I call them, "my girls". They called me "Gamma", and now they are nearly 18, close to being off to college. And, I have no idea why this happened. Possibly she has an abusive husband, my psychologist says, but even more so, in that situation, how do I walk away, as her mother? I truly get it, and my heart goes out to you.
❤️P

I appreciate what you have offered to me. In addition to the grief, I am also dealing with anger issues. You see he was not dying. He had Parkinson's Disease but it was under control. I took him to his neurologist every three months. She always checked him over very carefully. We also went over his medications and I saw to it that he received them at the specified times. The problem was that he had to get up at night to go to the bathroom. We have an en suite, so he didn't have to go far, but he was wobbly. I got a walker and pleaded with him to use the walker at night to walk him the few feet into the bathroom. He refused and said he could do it himself. So the inevitable happened. One night he fell. He broke his femur and was dead in three months. I am so angry that he didn't listen to me and perhaps I would not have gone through this. But you can't turn back the clock and I need to live with the outcome. It is so hard.

I heard a definition of grief after losing someone, but still having love to give. Could really relate to that.

You are entitled to that anger! And, anger can be part of the grief. He betrayed you, when all you asked of him was to be safe. Yes, you are angry about that, and I would be, too! My husband had been through so many medical traumas, his life always at risk at each turn. After his last surgery, they said he was doing so well, that he could extend his next followup exam from 3 mos to 6 mos. I thought we had finally made it! Within another month, he was dead. He died in front of me, on the bed, as I was packing the car to take him back for another surgery, which would have had to have been a heart transplant. I SCREAMED at God, "why now? after all we have been through, you take him now, when he can be a real daddy to his daughter? WHY NOW?". i know anger at the loss, trust me. Just don't take on the guilt, too! It sounds to me as though you have taken on guilt with the anger. It is not your fault. You were doing all you could to keep him alive and well. No guilt, please. Yes, the outcome of HIS ACTIONS is so hard, but they are not your actions. Please remember that. Have dinner with your friend. Enjoy that, and have more, if you can. You deserve to be happy, and you certainly don't deserve to feel any guilt.
❤️P

I have not figured out walking away. So far I couldn't. However today after counseling I told my daughter I was stepping back for a while. She told me I'm a joke! For my own health I have to step back some. I spent all last week in bed crying from a broken heart. My daughter is still my girl and I'd welcome her with open arms. However I just can't carry on being spoken to as she talks to me. She's disrespectful, cruel , and vicious. I have to step back.

We are together in our depression. Sharing our pain and our journies could help another. I know that hearing all your stories helps me. My loss was over 50 years ago, but the amount of time doesn't matter. Your journey, your experiences, is what could possibly help someone else who is depressed. My depression and anxiety is a neurological disorder and it is fed by neurological deficiencies, so I cannot always keep myself from "going into the darkness", but I try, and some don't understand that. I think we need to keep listening and sharing. I know that I need it. The loss of my husband was just the beginning of my depression journey. I seem to have had a life of trauma. I have always been a fighter, but the fight is really hard anymore. Knowing, hearing what other have gone through, are going through, reminds me that I still need to fight, if I can.
Thank you all.
P

OMG, you speak my words, my feelings, my experiences. The cruelty from your own daughter is incomprehensible to some, but I understand, and I do not know where it comes from. I have said, "my daughter is still my girl and I'd welcome her back with open arms", so many times. Even stepping back is hard. I truly understand.
❤️P

How was your dinner with your friend? Did it lift you some?
P