You must find your way out of this abusive relationship. I speak from experience. After my first husband died, I lived with an abusive husband and then an abusive partner. You are only 58. You are close to the age of my daughter. I am 77, so I see you as very young, and you have that on your side. Do you have family and friends who could help you out of this relationship? As an abused wife and partner, I know it is hard, it is scary, to think about really going, but you must not live like this. Find your strength, find your way, let people help, please. I know of what I speak.
❤️P

I am so sorry for your situation.
You need to seek help. You already found your way to this Mayo site. That is a good first step. I don’t know where you live but I urge you to get help by calling or texting this number. ( Note it is a crisis lifeline, not just suicide)
In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat. Services are free and confidential.
Can you talk to your doctor? Do you have access to a women’s shelter? Both of these could provide guidance.
I wish your plea for help would be flagged as urgent but that’s not how this site works, apparently. ( I was looking for info on tinnitus and just saw your post in a sidebar. )
I urge you to continue to reach out. Stay strong.

You have taken the first step; acknowledging your situation.

Build your new life in your mind, every little detail you can think of.

Each day take a step towards that life. Big or small it doesn’t matter. If some days you can’t even crawl try again the next day.

Keep the life you want front and center.

“When going through hell, keep going” Churchill.

This board is a great place to find hope.

We all need hope!

Hi @jobycat, I hope you saw the helpful replies to your post from members like @pkh3381 @karenbeenken @dfb. I agree with them that you have taken a great first step in sharing with us.

Karen shared the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline with you. It is available 24/7 if you need to talk to a real person. I'd also like to add information about the National Domestic Violence Hotline
Website http://www.thehotline.org/ On this website you will find a phone number to call 1-800-799-7233 or you can use the online chat and get help without saying a word.
By contacting the Hotline, you can work with professionals to find safety and solution that is right for you.

How are you doing today?

It sounds like you are homeless. Are you?

If not, how did you meet this “roommate”?

I am still alive. on my birthday, I sorry it came. It comes with NO joy only suffering. I have nowhere to go. If I walk out the door I may not make it. Part of me does not care. This 'life' seems like only suffering over and over everyday . Scared of the pain of nowhere to sleep. I dont have the strength to even walk up the stairs most days. I just want it all to STOP. No more nice people in my life. Only one remains and they are mean

I feel for you. But I don’t understand why can’t you move out if you’re already paying the bills? I do feel horrible for you!

I am 58 and for years after surviving a hep-c diagnosis and treatment for 48 weeks my body is a wreck. I had no idea how the drugs would effect my body. I worked skilled trades for decades and now i dont think I can swing a hammer for 5 minutes. After my family member passed i was trying to survive on ssdi. I moved in with my 'girlfriend'. that has become untenable. She has her own mental health issues at work and no place for me. I get winded just going up and down the stairs, I dont know if my heart and the rest of me can handle being homeless, so I try to sleep a lot and hide in my dreams hoping one day it will all be over

When you reach the END of your… peripheral rope,
TIE A KNOT AND HOLD ON!
Life is all about CHOICES
We all make mistakes
That’s exactly what we’re supposed to do!
That’s how we learn that’s how we grow.
We put ourselves in situations, and then we think it’s somebody else’s fault that we are in that situation.
Because we certainly don’t want to be responsible for our own mistakes and bad choices.
But that’s how we learn and that’s how we grow.
Be brave, cowgirl up
The streets really aren’t that bad.
I should know
And I am 67 years old

If your roommate lays a finger on you, you can call or even email the local police department and tell them you have possibly been assaulted. When they police arrive, they’ll interview you in private, and ask you if you are afraid of what this person might do to you. If you say “Yes,” they will automatically arrest her and she’ll spend at least the night in jail. Make her be the one who has to walk on eggshells!