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← Return to Pain and Loss of Self Worth
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I loved reading this. Obviously not about your situation, but your outlook and thought process. I was a competitive rider (jumping horses), self employed accountant (trying to hold on to a handful of clients because I am no where near retirement age,). I had a very adverse reaction to the covid vaccines. I never imagined it possible. I can’t count how many specialists I’ve seen. I tested positive for RA and have inflammation all over. I did not respond to any conventional treatment. I can move about my cottage, but I haven’t been able to grocery shop for two years. I’m seeing another specialist on Friday. One who is acknowledging that people have had adverse reactions to the vaccines. I have been bed ridden for a month here and there. Definitely house bound which is so hard. I have good pain meds and an extremely high tolerance to pain, so this is new to me. I kept thinking that it would get better with time. It’s the opposite. I pushed myself until I couldn’t push anymore. I have wanted to give up because I’m never without pain and had to leave so much behind. My mantra for the moment is “this is temporary.” I’m reading some good books and sleeping a lot. I figure my body needs it. Thank you for sharing!! 💕
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Hi Lisa,
Thank you for your comments to my post. I appreciate your kind words and am always humbled when told that something I’ve shared from my own experience has provided some value or comfort to your own situation.
I’ve already shared some of my 32+ years experience regarding severe debilitation and extremely challenging physical, mental, cognitive, emotional and spiritually challenging circumstances that I still continue to manage to this day.
I too thought that my disabilities would certainly improve, (they’d have to improve) over a sufficient amount of time.
When that expected result does not actually manifest…….after you’ve utilized every possible tool you gave in your extensive “personal tool box!” Where does one go from there?
Personally, I began to look, search and research areas about healing, energy, spirituality and other areas of valuable knowledge that I wasn’t very experienced with.
Given that zi didn’t know what else to do after spending hundreds of thousand of dollars of my own money trying experimental therapies and just about anything I had heard about ir researched without making any kind of measurable improvement…….I was completely stymied.
In the end, we can only do and give everything we can our best effort. There’s really nothing else one can do except their best, Now, your best effort might wax and wane from day to day or during different periods of your life sneaking journey. However, there is nothing available to do than your best.
With that it mind, it holds and presents a certain amount of peace of mind and grace for me accepting whatever it is or wherever I am as being in a more graceful manner.
The periods of time where my symptoms have the upper hand and regardless of what zi fo I can’t seem to change the course to a better more acceptable state of being etc. I just endure it all the best so can and hope that the exacerbation of all my symptoms will begin to retreat more sooner than later.
I am blessed to have sn incredibly loving and caring wife who provides me do much love and compassion that it fills my heart and soul with happiness and a fortune of companionship and partnership that couples rarely find or achieve.
I do have a wonderful life in spite of all the obvious that doesn’t work and nobody would choose.
I would be lying if I didn’t express the periods of time where I am totally and completely overwhelmed by it all. I fight through those times the best I can while surrendering to fact of whatever it is it currently has the best of me! I soldier on util the momentum finally comes around to give me the strength and fortitude I need to keep moving onwards, upwards and forward!
I send you all of my prayers and best wishes for an improved life and happier existence.
Love,
Phil
GODSPEED