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Changing doctors …
Have you been at this crossroads …
I’m considering changing doctors. I find the “considering” a little embarrassing. I know it shouldn’t be – people change doctors all the time – but it is for me, and I think I know why. I come from a family of Everything’s Fine! Couldn’t Be Better! I inherited that belief and would go around saying, “Everything’s fine!” and “Couldn’t be better!” even when things weren’t fine and in fact couldn’t be much worse.
I’ve been the same way when it has come to telling people about my doctors (“Oh, Doctor So ‘n’ so? He’s fantastic! Best doctor ever. I’m so lucky I found him.”) That’s what I’ve been saying about one of my neurology doctors, for weeks telling people he’s great while at the same time aware that my doubts were getting closer to the point of This Can’t Go On.
I won’t name names; the doctor with whom I’ve fallen out of love is a good man. And a good doctor. I’ve discovered something others of you have probably found as you “audition” doctors to help you with your PN: The best doctors can sometimes appear to lose interest in helping us when they concede our PN is incurable. I say “appear” to lose interest because, I believe, in many cases (as in the case of the doctor I’m considering leaving), the empty look in their eyes that we see and their apparent lack of enthusiasm we feel are only manifestations of the same deep frustration they feel when they can’t help us – the same deep frustration we feel when we’re unable to think of something we can do to help ourselves.
I began this by saying I’m “considering” making a change. I’ve made my decision: I am making that change. Will I have better luck with my next doctor? Who knows? At the moment, just having made my decision is empowering. That’s important, too. Maybe it’s the most important.
Ray (@ray666)
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Please make sure you have a new doctor who will accept you as a patient. I left my family dr of ten years without a new one and it was months before another took me on. Then he left town after 2 years and for 2 years i had no dr. Now I have a nurse practitioner and, sorry, they are very nice but IMO no replacement for a “doctor” and, trust me, they lose interest too. Looking back I wish I had spoken up when my original dr did not come through for me or said a test result was ok when it wasn’t. I got copy of my patient file and he did not follow through with many issues. So... empowering - yes; wise in this day and age, am not sure. Years ago someone asked me if I felt help from medical lacking and I said no; but now I would say yes: Ageism. Best of luck with your decision - may it be to your benefit.
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2 ReactionsP.s. ... recall a saying of my Mum many years ago: the devil you know is better than the devil you dont know. (Not that I am saying drs are devils 🙂 neither did she.. but you get the point...). Am curious how others feel about this.
@ray666 Doctors sometimes no longer fit us, kinda like shoes. For some time they are are fine, things work out, then gradually they no longer fit or feel comfortable. It is a sudden realization that can be disconcerting, to say the least. That said, we need to have confidence that our health is paramount, and confidence in our medical team is part of that.
As @lacy2 mentioned, it works best when you have the assurance of a new doctor lined up before changing over. It's awkward, I know. I changed one of my specialists, to someone else within the same practice. But, the result has been better care and more concern for my unique case.
Ginger
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4 ReactionsI’ve had the same experience. Frequently. Sometimes our conditions change. Sometimes our personalities change, life exists outside of the office. A life change, like a doctor’s pregnant or something similar. The relationship just changes. It’s disappointing, but inevitable in some cases.
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3 ReactionsIs it possible to discuss the issue with your current doctor? I think docs like to be able to prescribe. When we cannot tolerate meds, for instance, and they feel they have nothing to offer us, there can be that detached look in their eyes, yes. But medical care should be about so much more. Not only more holistic approaches but emotional support.
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1 ReactionI have had the problem with numerous Drs and I have concluded that Drs are too busy, they are taking on too many patients. Note how long it takes you to get into your Dr, even if your symptoms scream your need to be seen much sooner. I worked in the medical field for years [now retired] and, trust me, the medical field HAS CHANGED. And, I am not the only one experiencing problems with Drs being too busy, overwhelmed and not caring. It is like an epidemic. I don't even know where to turn anymore because changing Drs has brought me to my conclusion. Let me give you my most recent example. I had seen a Mayo neurologist for over a year [was referred to him] and I messaged him thru the portal regarding an increase he made in my Gabapentin [to very high levels] that I was unable to tolerate the increase because of my Dx'd involuntary neurological body movement. He messaged me back, "what body movement would that be"??!! Also, he ordered another CRP test on me and the level came back High, but I recalled that I had that result before and it was not indicated as High then, so I looked up all my CRP results and that was the lowest result I had ever had. So I messaged him thru the portal with the results and asked him if the reference range had changed for this test and explained why. He told me I would have to contact the Mayo rheumatologist that he had referred me to previously. The rheumatologist answered that I would have to contact the Dr who ordered the test. You understand my frustration? I contacted my neurologist to relay this experience and he referenced a Dx to me that he had NEVER even mentioned to me before, and one that I have had in the past, know the symptoms, and I did, and did not have that Dx at the time! It appears to me that this Dr is not even checking my medical record before he responds to me..........probably because he is too busy and overwhelmed, but I don't have much sympathy for him when he is dealing with my Dx's! A good example? I will tell you that I have changed Drs in various fields because of this and all I have gotten is the same thing. Very, very discouraging, and very, very depressing.
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9 ReactionsGood morning, Ginger (@gingerw), Valarie @lacy2
What you say is so true:
“For some time they are fine, things work out, then gradually they no longer fit or feel comfortable.”
Like a favorite pair of shoes. I recall years ago (why these days is everything so “years ago”?) being at the start line of a citizens’ race (I think it was in L.A.) wearing my old Asics Tiger running shoes. A total stranger looked at my shoes – they were held together with strips of duct tape – and said, “Don’t you think it’s time to treat yourself to a new pair of shoes?”
“Treat yourself.” Those words resonate today as I change doctors. I’m telling myself I’m not being cruel to the doctor I’m quitting, no, not at all (he remains a good doctor, but to others). What I’m doing is treating myself to better care, or at least to the chance I’ll find better care. I deserve at least that much.
As to lacy2’s point, I already have my go-to doctor lined up. What happened was the doctor I plan to return to was the first doctor I saw, three years ago (?), before I knew I had P.N. She was concerned enough to send me off for a series of MRIs, which led to my transferring my first-line to a neurosurgeon; but when he determined that surgery was necessary, put me under the care of yet another doctor … In effect, I was on a Doctor Conveyor Belt. What I’m doing now is putting myself BACK into the care of my first neurologist, a woman I’d trusted from the get-go. Have I made the right decision? I can’t say. But it feels good just to have made a decision.
Value added? The doctor I’m quitting: his office is 14 miles through a trafficky part of town. The doctor I’m returning to? I could toss a pebble against her office window from my front door. (I won’t toss that pebble, however. LOL)
Cheers!
Ray (@ray666)
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4 ReactionsGood morning once again, Ginger (@gingerw), Valarie @lacy2
On rereading, I see my sentence made no sense. What I had wanted to say was:
"She was concerned enough to send me off for a series of MRIs, which led to my transferring my first-line CARE to a neurosurgeon; but when he determined that surgery was NOT necessary, put me under the care of yet another doctor … "
Will I ever learn to proof-read BEFORE hitting Send? LOL
Ray (#ray666)
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6 ReactionsHi, windyshores (I like that name!)
The doctor I'm moving away from (I'm not abandoning him entirely) is very easy to talk to. The problem is chiefly that he's risen up through the ranks of medical academic circles and is now more out of town than in. I respect him for that, but it does make having fluid conversations a bit more difficult.
Ray (@ray666)
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1 ReactionHello, rowan4
That's very true. I may have made it more difficult for myself by going out of my way to develop a cordial relationship with my doctors, to gain favors, but to facilitate our substantive conversation. Generally speaking, that works well, but it does invite one's private life to step in – the doctor's or mine – which can muddy the waters.
Cheers!
Ray (@ray666)