Sex after Prostatectomy - I'm the wife

Getting that tool moving early is important. He can do most of the early lifting by himself but assists are never a bad thing.

yes, he needs to do lots of the work, as the first incremental steps are just getting the tiniest bit of physical reaction (like a 1cm movement) accompanying an orgasm. With this time this will improve. Cialis helped me a bit, but definitely talk with a doctor. Be patient, the tool will come back!

In addition to the above; my surgeon who is a specialist in Uro-Genitial reconstruction, repair, and transformation suggest this: Those vacuum devices that seem positively disgusting can help a lot in restoring size/length. You can get them as medical devices but he recommends go to your local sex toys store and get a good one at ~$100. Just as good as the "medical" ones and usually a good bit cheaper.

We are also three months post RARP. Daily Cialis to help with blood flow. For now manual and oral stimulation brings an orgasm. Since had both nerves removed, no erections. Haven’t tried any vacuum device yet. Not sure if he will need ADT or radiation, so that may change things. Appointment and labs next week. The pathology report was not so great , so our journey is one day at a time.

I am just over 3 months after surgery. It is with your support and patience that will help the most. Pills, vacuum pump help to achieve sexual intercourse with my wife sometimes it had to be outer course I believe it is called. I now have appointment for Trimix injection. It is scary to me but I believe I can achieve more and am willing to persue all options to be my best for myself and my wife. Wishing the both of you the best.

to @lovinghim and the others who replied.

I had RP June 4 '23 with Dr Pathak Mayo Jacksonville. Nerve sparing, zero margins in lymph nodes and adjacent tissues. Aside from successful surgery, good genes, and Irish luck, I had very little incontinence and very minor ED. I thought it strange that I had erections the first week after surgery while the catheter was still in place.

Generic Cialis 5mg daily really helped afterwards. With respect to your question, my wife's participation was a big part of getting and maintaining erections. At 70 its a joint project (sorry about the pun!.) Whatever aids you choose to bring into the bedroom can be helpful. The others brought up other useful options.

Really it's the love and working together on a solution is what matters. That you approached this group is a good indicator that your patience and willingness to help is top shelf!

Time is a great healer. Your husband's surgeon can be a helpful source. There are other meds that can help. I, personnaly , don't go for the injections because needles there or anywhere just freak me out!

Great book to read in Dr Walsh, MD Surviving Prostate Cancer is THE Encyclopedia of A-Z on prostate. Several chapters on the topic of "getting the tool back in the game."

Main thing is getting the prostate cancer dealt with. I know the the sex is an important part of the whole picture but still having you spouse, that's the most important benefit of a successful surgery.

Good luck with the Journey!

@donmurphy
As far as the injectible drug Trimix is concerned there are now other options available.
1. Needleless insertion into urethra. I read it’s 35-70% effective.
2. Topical. Not sure of its effectiveness.
But honestly, the injection is not painful. The only thing painful is the thought of inserting a needle in your penis.
Take care,
Jake

Dead as a door nail

There is a penile traction device, "RestoreX", which I purchased based on results from a clinical trial, which you can read on their website. Like a vacuum device, it physically tensions the smooth muscle tissue in the penis, which can atrophy if they are not tensioned just like other muscles in the body. Once atrophied, they may not recover.
This is the same thing that is hoped for by "daily" Cialis or periodic Viagra (tadalafil, sildenafil). I wasn't tolerating either well, and they were also not providing the results others have gained. I still trial them every few months to see if things have changed. I'm now 20 months out from RALP with nerve sparing.
So I do also use the injections. I knew it would take time to acculturate to giving the shots. It did. I hit a bit of a psychological impasse at around 50 shots, so I consulted with my primary care MD for coaching. That helped. He suggested that I practice on cold hot dogs. He also suggested that I use vibration, which works as a distraction as well as variable insertion pressure. I also find that using the penile tension device (with minimal tension,) which I only needed for penile tensioning for about 6-8 months, frees up both hands for needle insertion and makes the whole thing much more feasible, especially since I have a familial tremor (look it up if you care!)
My wife and I did not find the injections a suitable couple activity, probably because of my anxiety about it. I'm now well over 100 injections and the process has become much easier with repetition. I also have less fear about needles :-). She waits while I do it.
One thing to note is that the injections are not an [emotive] erection. As the emotive erections return, the trimix dosage needed decreases, but in all cases the tip of the penis is not engorged in the same way by the injections. (Massage, however, immediately after the injection, helps distribute the med throughout the smooth muscle tissue.) Again, I came to understand what it was and how to appreciate it over time. One benefit is that with a [chemical] erection, there is no fear of premature loss of erection, which allows us to enjoy longer foreplay.
So what I'm saying, quite frankly, is that sex is different, but physical intimacy is still a wonderful thing, and I am grateful we can continue to enjoy it. As is true for many couples, our languages of love are different, but physical intimacy has always been high on my list of languages. The best relationships come when each partner selflessly provides what is meaningful to the other. That is a relationship-long pursuit.
One other thing. At least one study found that muscle tension (isometric exercise) increases the effectiveness of subsequent engorgement, so I now do a couple minutes of core exercise (plank, inverse plank, leg lift) after the injection and 1-2 minutes of physical massage. This does seem to help. But if nothing else, it helps rehab my damaged pelvic floor and abdominal core from the surgery. I'm getting some physical conditioning back :-). (Since adrenaline is the enemy of erection, might this work by lowering the subsequent adrenaline?)

Your post indicates your off to a good start in terms of helping him.

There are two aspects, the physical and the mental.

The UCSF has a great deal of information on = penile rehabilitation therapy - https://www.ucsfhealth.org/conditions/erectile-dysfunction

As to the mental, well, as I said, with both partners interested, easier.

Kevin