@ J101. Oh I thought for a moment my spouse had written your comment.. but he doesnt use this site. Very similar scenario. Added to this is that I am 7 years older than spouse and have had quite a few illnesses, although he is also battling his... breaks my heart how our marriage has been affected and, in fact, our friendship!

@jfmaniac I find it really is true about how men and women communicate. My husband agreed almost a year ago to try joint counseling. It took until a month ago before we actually got our first appointment, because while he agreed to counseling, it was his job to track down and schedule, which he delayed, on purpose. We have been exploring the dynamics of communication issues, and how the past trauma/reactions in our individual lives affect us now. Very enlightening!

There has been a lot of "speaking before thinking" and now we are making an effort to oversee our individual conversation styles. Understanding what may be a trigger in our partner, and working to not "pull that trigger" so to speak, is a challenge definitely.

Be gentle on yourselves. Listen fully and with heartfelt openness. Baby steps. Let each know you want this. Support each other, and remember to praise, not always critique. I wager you will get through this.
Ginger