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Relationships: How do you form and maintain them when ill?
How does a sick person form, and maintain, healthy and sustainable relationships with others, platonic and non-platonic?
The human existence baffles me. I enjoy observing and studying it. It brings up a lot of questions.
Being introverted, and having been raised by a parent that had a pathological level of introversion, I have settled into a “fly on the wall” kind of existence. This frees you up to pay attention to what and who is around you. It makes me ask so many questions, most of them being “why” or “how” questions.
I understand that we are social beings, we are built that way. I also understand that our social interactions can have negative or positive effects or both.
I have seen compassion fatigue, I have seen burnout, and I have seen resentment come from a place where love and care formerly was.
So how does a sick person form and sustain healthy relationships? Healthy for both parties. Where do we draw the line between accepting care and love from someone dear to your, and taking or asking too much from a person?
I am drained and exhausted by all this, and I have had a lifetime of experience with this, what will it do to a person new to it? Will it not crush the person? How do I know that 2 or 5 years from now, this person won’t look at me and think that I robbed them of their youth? Is it fair to ask any of this of a person? The hospital visits, the in-hospital stays, the up and down over medication, insurance etc, the pain, the insomnia, the cancelled dates and activities, the not being able to get out of bed, the needing help with cleaning and cooking and errands. It seems more like a “you love me, and now you must pay for my care” situation, with the payment being in many forms (financial, time, energy, etc). How do you do that? Offload ‘too much’ on a person in the name of love? How do you exist in a dynamic in which you are the sun and therefore life must revolve around you? How do you take care of the other person? What can you offer or give in place of all that you are taking and all that you cannot do? Aren’t relationships supposed to be two-way streets?
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Good Afternoon in Zambia, Tabatha Nkhata. It appears that Facebook in the US may be different than that in your country. I shall look for you later. There is a "buzz23" on there and it is a young man with tatoos and short curly redish hair. Not you.
The phrase "See you soon" was spelled as I pronounce it. Your spelling is most likely correct. I will check that as well.
Hope you have a good rest last evening. Today in our home is busy as cleaning people are here and I hate having anyone else in the house. At least the house is clean for one day. With two dogs there is always something to clean which I don't.
I have much to do today on my PC so this will be short for today. I am not sleeping well so a nap is in order this afternoon. Enjoy your day and thank you for the snippets of your literary work. I enjoyed them very much. Ciao for now, Tabatha.
Judith
@buzz23 I am on daily peritoneal dialysis, just recently started my second year on it. Due to the underlying kidney disease, and my incurable blood cancer, I cannot be transplanted.
At this point, my average day consists of hooking up for dialysis session, dwelling those fluids and then draining them. It is not very comfortable to be doing a lot of physical activity while dwelling fluids, so that is a relatively "quiet" time for me. As energy levels allow, I work on various projects. There are a lot of things I want to do!
How I cultivate gratitude. Hmmm, that is a very interesting question. I share my knowledge about mental health struggles, chronic health conditions, and autism. So many people do not feel they have a support system, and I am grateful to those who have helped me out. In return, I feel compelled to pay them back by offering my experience, strength, and hope to those who may be in need somehow. It is important that we do not feel alone, and we are healthier when we come to understand that.
Ginger
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3 ReactionsHi everyone! I'm Richard and new to this site. Still trying to learn how it all works. My goal is to chat with others and get to know them. I have an ileostomy and have been a bit reclusive because of it. I shouldn't be embarrassed of my situation, but sometimes can't help it. I am taking steps to meet others. Recently I joined a gym but haven't struck up a conversation with anyone. They have group activities and I am trying my hardest to take part in some of them.
Hope to hear from you guys and take care.
Hi Richard,
How are you doing?
Kudos for joining a gym and for working to expand your circle. I am here trying to do the same (the circle thing not gyming). If and when you want to chat, please do reach out to me.
How long have you had the ileostomy for?
Tabitha
Hi Tabitha,
I'm doing well. How about yourself? Thanks for responding by the way! I would really enjoy chatting with you anytime! I've had my ileostomy for almost 5 years now.
Where are you from? I'm from Louisiana, but sometimes have to go to Texas for medical issues.
Hope to hear from you soon and have a great day!
Richard
I am glad you are well.
My pleasure, there's a great sense of community here.
You can find me on Facebook, full name: : Tabitha Nkhata.
I can't see how to direct message a person here.
5 years is a bit of a while. May I ask what the indication for ileostomy was?
I am from Zambia, it is a country in central/southern Africa.
Why do you go to Texas? Does Louisiana have all the facilities and specialists that you need?