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Relationships: How do you form and maintain them when ill?
How does a sick person form, and maintain, healthy and sustainable relationships with others, platonic and non-platonic?
The human existence baffles me. I enjoy observing and studying it. It brings up a lot of questions.
Being introverted, and having been raised by a parent that had a pathological level of introversion, I have settled into a “fly on the wall” kind of existence. This frees you up to pay attention to what and who is around you. It makes me ask so many questions, most of them being “why” or “how” questions.
I understand that we are social beings, we are built that way. I also understand that our social interactions can have negative or positive effects or both.
I have seen compassion fatigue, I have seen burnout, and I have seen resentment come from a place where love and care formerly was.
So how does a sick person form and sustain healthy relationships? Healthy for both parties. Where do we draw the line between accepting care and love from someone dear to your, and taking or asking too much from a person?
I am drained and exhausted by all this, and I have had a lifetime of experience with this, what will it do to a person new to it? Will it not crush the person? How do I know that 2 or 5 years from now, this person won’t look at me and think that I robbed them of their youth? Is it fair to ask any of this of a person? The hospital visits, the in-hospital stays, the up and down over medication, insurance etc, the pain, the insomnia, the cancelled dates and activities, the not being able to get out of bed, the needing help with cleaning and cooking and errands. It seems more like a “you love me, and now you must pay for my care” situation, with the payment being in many forms (financial, time, energy, etc). How do you do that? Offload ‘too much’ on a person in the name of love? How do you exist in a dynamic in which you are the sun and therefore life must revolve around you? How do you take care of the other person? What can you offer or give in place of all that you are taking and all that you cannot do? Aren’t relationships supposed to be two-way streets?
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Do you have any friends who would or could accompany you financially or are you in a position to pay their way on a trip or two or three?
When you locally what do you mean? In what state do you live and where would you love to go for a visit or live for that matter?
If you have a job could you move? That would be a big change if you are any part of a risk taker. I am adventurous and a risk taker and someone with whom nobody messes with. Yikes I sould like a shrew and I am not. I try to do something nice for someone daily if I am out of the house...if I am in I try to make my husband laugh or at least grin. Life is short and we are in the Winter of our lives so we do what we want for the most part and that includes loving our two Cavalier King Charles pups.
Judith
Hi. I think it was "Senior Meet". I am sure that was the one. We met and married within three months...no time for "courting". LOL
Good for you, buzz. Are you a Lady or a Gentleman if you don't mind my asking.
Judith
Yes. Relationships must be a two way street. True love means thru thick and thin and until death do us part...and after that as well. You are ill and I understand having cared for someone who's days were become short. Don't be afraid and take affection and love where you can find it, my friend.
I have not been on this site for a bit and will stay with you if you have questions or just "Want to Talk". Okay?
Judith
When I couldn’t do anything physically for my friends and family, I made sure that I let them talk about their lives, asked questions that were focused on them and not me. I know my husband was very overwhelmed by the burden of caring for me when I could barely get up to go to the bathroom by myself. I listened to him vent. I tried to imagine what it was like for him to have so much on his shoulders. He knew that was all I could do and he didn’t want to burden me more than I was burdened with the fight for my life.
When I began to get out of bed, I started cooking meals in a crockpot. It was so simple to just throw everything into a pot and let it cook. I had so sit down every few minutes to rest, but I felt good about doing something tangible for my family.
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2 ReactionsCup theory, "spoon" theory, I get it.
My light "socializing" now takes the form of walking with my neighbor and her dog... On a good day.
I've had invitations to dinners and such. Unfortunately, dizziness & vertigo are ever-present, not fixable, and make even the briefest interactions quite a challenge.
Thanks for your response! Take care of yourself.
You have what I call a "King Arthur's round table", that's great.
May I ask what stage you are? And if you will receive treatment? Have you made peace with the situation?
It is an honest response, I'll take honesty over anything any day.
With the right amount of planning, there is a friend who could accompany me, and another that could come along but I would have to pay for. The first trip will be taken alone. It is short, and I'll be visiting family. Once I decide the length of the second trip, I can see if I can cover the cost for a second person.
I mean in my country, without crossing a border. I am not in the US, I am in Africa. I am openminded about the destination, for me the joy is in the trip itself and being in a place I have not yet been. I started learning French and I fell in love with the language, I would love to visit France. Not the tourist places, a small town somewhere with beautiful sunsets and fresh air. I would LOVE to see the Northen Lights. If there was a Genies for lupus patients, that's what I would use my trip on.
I have a job. Theoretically, I could move, but it would have to be to a place with a rheumatologist and other health services I need. That is what has kept me in the city I have been working in the 4 years. I would love to be in a smaller, quiet place with less people.
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1 ReactionI want to study for my PhD in a different country, then decide whether to live there or go to an entirely different country afterwards.
Adventurous and a risk taker, no wonder I called you brave. We need more of such people. Most of us live rather dull lives. No, you don't sound like a shrew.
You, your husband, and your pups are lucky to have each other.
Sometimes people have an immortality complex and don't make the most out of life.
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2 ReactionsI don't think they would let me onto Senior Meet, I am a little underage.
Life is short. If you both know that's what you want, why wait?