I can kindly assure you that I haven’t misjudged; it actual fact, I have not judged at all. There *are* people who did not survive what I went through, and they are the people who deserve the spiritual support moreover than I. Women are not here today because of some of the things that have happened to them and me. They’re the people that weigh on my heart.
To think of them and then to even consider measuring what suffering is would be barbaric in nature. So, hence why I mentioned my perspective which is that the only measure of suffering is within the individual, and it’s up to that individual as to whether they feel they have a mountain to overcome, or just a pebble. It’s always individual; never measured by someone else against a third party, because that assumes the person doing the measuring knows what it was like for the other - but this is a falsehood; nobody can ever know what it is like for anyone other than themselves and to assume so is one very arrogant lapse in thought.
I wonder if there’s an idea in your mind somewhere that I am lacking something which requires a call for unknown persons to focus on me? Please be assured, this is not the case; no universal call for anything is required by me - I have everything I need, and humbly redirect away from me to others who are known to be in need of support (spiritual, physical, financial, etc) to receive that support.
In terms of expressing pain, in the environments I have been in, the opposite has been true: not expressing pain has been what has kept the situation together, so expressing pain would’ve been very destructive at the time. Now I am alone, I can express pain whenever I need. I do not want anyone around me during those times, because it hurts even more to see them watching me in pain. That is something I will not entertain (expressing pain with anyone present). However, that is not a lack of compassion from outside of myself or even for myself; on the contrary, it’s a large degree of compassion and consideration for others as well as I, especially in moments of suffering. In all moments of suffering, I prefer to be alone, and to have people near me makes me very uncomfortable - something I never want.
And I definitely do not want anyone to be focussing on me - especially people who do not know me.
Thank you for your idea, but this kind of thing makes me run in the opposite direction even further away from people. You can never assume to know anybody’s reasons why they are adverse to anything, however those reasons and resultant actions are theirs and theirs alone, and need to be respected without question 🙂
I really think this conversation has run its course - there is nothing more I can say to demonstrate what or who I am without digressing into minutiae with each consecutive reply, so I gracefully leave it here, knowing that I have illustrated my points without encroaching on anyone else’s personal space or philosophy with my own, and I have only demonstrated my position with patience and understanding, and kindness throughout 🙂