I enjoyed your description of happy-ish.
I realized a long time ago that my two choices weren't to either fight death with every weapon of modern medicine or to kill myself. There is a huge gray area, and that is for me! Right now I do the obvious things for my health but no routine screens or testing and no extreme cancer treatments. Once I start to inevitably decline my hope is to get into hospice ASAP because of the pain control and also the family support. Here again I'll do what I can to be able to stand and communicate, but feel free to cut back on food and meds. My state allows medically assistance in dying, and although I support that I'm not sure I'd use it. My religion really isn't in favor of it, and I think it can be hard on the family. However, it makes a good back up, just knowing weeks of pain can be avoided if not controllable. I'm kind of a process oriented person, and so my preference is to go with that flow which is another way of saying things are in G-d's hands. I survived giving birth to my daughter naturally, so I figure I can die the same way. I'm a sociable person, so want my nearest & dearest around me. But I also realize anything can happen, and I've told my fam and left them a note--please don't worry if I end up dying in the hospital, or things get bumpy. My "wishes" are just suggestions ad I am sure we can all manage together.

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