I’m a loner; that’s my nature and my character. I much prefer to be without the company of others, which brings me peace and wholehearted contentment. Think of someone who has always been questioned, queried, categorised, assumed-to-be something that others expect for their own gratification, etc, and think of how that person - tired and exasperated with judgements, instructions, suggestions, hints, and at times coercion, would naturally prefer to keep their own company.
Frivolous or shallow attachments for the sake of, do not interest me in the slightest - hence, why I choose not to conform to that expectation.
I hoped my previous post may shed some light into the significance of not having anyone I used to know in my life, however it seem it didn’t shed enough light on to my person to satisfy curiosity and questions about my perceived need or want (which to be clear, aren’t what I want or need).
The more I get pushed towards the social convention of being around people by assumptions/preconceived notions/social conventions, the more I say to myself “ah, yes; better to take yet another step back from what is a force trying to drive you in a direction you absolutely do not want to go - and you’re being significantly misunderstood in what you actually want for your own self, as every other person is entitled, which is personal freedom to live and exist as one pleases; especially when doing no harm to anyone else, including not telling them how they should be living their lives”.
I mean no offence, however I wonder the motives of others who question the private lives of people who live differently to themselves, and I wonder how it is justified or reconciled as being ok to do so?
Quid pro quo: why doesn’t any given person live alone? Why do people seem to be so needy of each other and assume everyone is the same? Why doesn’t everyone want to have privacy like me? Why is the tedium that social conventions instil, are accepted as the norm when they do not suit everyone?
These assumed “attempts at connection (however limited they may have been)…” you’ve claimed… I have no idea whom you may be referring to, considering I have connections throughout the globe, so it seems illogical to make assumptions based on what is not known about me, in the instance this statement may indeed be an assumption of my life.
And if you’re assuming that I’ve had some “extremely ill-wishing encounters” that would also be a stretch of the imaginary kind, considering that the ‘encounters’ that I seek out (and aren’t forced upon me in situations of no choice) are thoroughly enjoyable, meaningful, and enriching. I just choose not to have people close to me, as part of my life, because I do not want to put them through the pain of seeing me unwell. Not such a bad thing. It means I care for people beyond myself and my needs.
And having experienced being ripped off and predated due to a brain injury, I prefer my freedom with nobody around so I can maintain autonomy (people often try to get legal rights over people like me, so not having them simplifies things enormously, and greatly outweighs any perceived benefit of having people around - like a breath of fresh air).
People aren’t into my hobbies, often telling me I’m too different to discuss things with because I don’t like the usual things, however if you’d like to discuss how I rebuilt the engine (with particular emphasis on the techniques used to reinstall the valve springs into the head, and getting the pistons into the block without scratching the newly machined bore, as well as the importance of piston/valve clearances when installing big end crank and thrust bearings) on my own car that I still drive today, then please, go right ahead - I’m all ears. Or, how fast I’ve ridden on my SV650S around a racetrack called Eastern Creek, located in Western Sydney, and my best lap time is just over 2 minutes - all on a street legal (not modified for racing) bike, just for fun, doing 210km/hr on the main straight, wishing I could squeeze another 100km/hr out of the damn thing 🙂
Or how I stole my friends ultralight plane for fun one day, just to go for a fly, and put it back in his hangar without him noticing (only to be caught years later, and having to confess), and the ways in which I figured out how to fly it without him being there. Or truck driving in foreign countries where the locals carry guns and like to inspect your cargo (the nice way of putting it). I don’t relate to gingerbread houses, makeup, and weekend bbqs, unfortunately.
And as for Socrates, I guess I would prefer not to be put on trial, sentenced to death, and drink hemlock surrounded by people, seemingly to resign himself to a fate I cannot relate to - that sounds pretty awful.
I’d much prefer to be alone. In fact, my Will stipulates it. No one, not one person, to be in attendance. No wake, no gathering, no fanfare. I do not want it, I do not believe in it for myself (however I have paid humble respect to those who have passed and I have been to their final goodbyes, following and upholding their wishes to the last). This is my wish, when the time comes. As others have their ways, I have mine - neither is to be judged 🙂