Thank you kindly Gina5009, reading between the lines of your post, I can see your very good intent, and it does warm my heart.
I was born perfect - being hit by cars has made my body as useful as a broken toy, and a broken toy could well be classified as ‘junk’; and going a little further, I live in reality, thusly my reality is I live in an incapacitated, broken body, ergo, junk 🙂.
The relationship I have with God is a totally different story: if considering God and myself, God knows my past present and future, and henceforth He would know my feelings and that I would be coming to the point of realising I live in a very defective body, and don’t like it at all. Now that isn’t to say that God would punish me or be otherwise adverse to me, because God is known for His everlasting love and compassion for His children, right? 😇
And I’d like to kindly let you know, with all respect, that if I hadn’t been a fighter and determined to survive, I wouldn’t be here today. A person cannot get through over 500 concussions prior to the age of 12, multiple assaults, multiple injuries, being hit by one car then under another one in the oncoming lanes, a court battle that took everything I had, and still sit and chat calmly with people, then there’s a difference of fundamental understanding on what overcoming adversity with grace and humility is. Wording how I feel doesn’t equate that my socks have fallen down, or that I am not doing anything with the lessons I have learned; I am a national advocate with govt and peak bodies in Australia, working to support the vulnerable in society (homeless, disabled, impoverished, etc), and I stand firm and strong with my advocacy, speaking to these government departmental ministers, secretaries, and CEO’s with equality as well as stark brevity about changes required to uphold human rights.
I worked very hard to obtain my Bachelor at university, and have paid off everything I own along with my education off of my own hard work.
The reason I have nobody new in my life is because the person I got to know after my husband left me for another bed was because he died of a sudden heart attack and I could not save him. This hurt. I do not want to have someone near me emotionally, because I want to spare them any pain from watching me on my worst days unable to move, sometimes screaming in pain (I cannot take painkillers or other neuroleptic meds due to allergies and breathing palsy), and I do not want to see that pain in their eyes, which lingers longer than the moment, eventually becoming all I ever see in their face.
I also have very low immunity, and as a person with the entire responsibility of my disabled self and my house and finances, I must take precautions to not get sick with contagious illnesses, otherwise how would I manage? To this end, I stay away from incidental social situations and environments. To keep myself well enough to manage.
Plus, the last people I had in my life only wanted to take from me, and I have had much stolen, removed, and predated, and I have no time for fraud and deceit. Better I’m alone.
Each person to their own, as my beloved grandmother used to kindly and quietly say.
I appreciate your sentiment, however I gently say, it is misplaced 🙂
I am 50. I have travelled half the world. I have and continue to achieve great things. That won’t change how I feel.
I wish you many more years 🌺🙂