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DiscussionEstrangement Grief: Anyone else going through this?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Sep 23 5:43am | Replies (27)Comment receiving replies
Replies to "As parents who just experienced and now dealing with an adult daughter now 52 yrs old..."
I totally understand. My daughter, 48, blames me for everything. Her father and I divorced when she was in 1st grade. According to her I was never there like before. Yes, I was working a full time job that required overtime at times in the year. It was my fault that her father didn't show up t pick her up for visitation. And on and on. I am terrible because her father would tell her he didn't pick her up because of me....what he left out is that I had to fight with him for child support, medical, etc. She needed orthodontic braces and the court ordered him to pay for them. He wouldn't and didn't leaving bill collectors to come after me. I had to take him to court for that and the Judge said that since I had paid the portion owned IT WAS PAID and he owned me nothing!! I got him to pay for the braces but only after I had my Mother call his sister about what was going on. Then he agreed but only if a certain dentist in his area (55 miles away) did the work. Fortunately my parents were retired and could drive her up there, which he never expected.
The coup foray came when he told her that I supposedly had a lot of money for her college (I did not). He told her that what child support he did pay me was to be put away for her college (???) She took me to court over this. She could prove nothing. There was an account I had that I had put birthday money, gift money etc. in for her over the years and it came to around $2,500. This I transferred to her when she turned 18. That turned out to be a stupid thing for me to do because she claimed she never got it and it was supposed to be a lot more than that.
In flaming her lawsuit against me for $$ she also claimed to be afraid of me. Always insisted that she was afraid to be around me, I had to leave before she would leave the courthouse (dramatics) Claimed I threw her out of house the summer between her junior and senior year at college. That was bunk.
What happened is that I, and my hubby) came home to find her and her boyfriend hunka chunkaing in her bedroom. I told her that I did not approve of that. She told me that she could do what she wanted where she wanted. My response was that as long as she was living with me and I was paying her bills, she couldn't do that. Her response was that she was moving out. Told her she didn't have to move, but no huka chunka-ing in my house....they could get a motel etc. She moved.
To this day we are estranged. I will tell you I was furious and very hurt by what she pulled on me.
Family therapy continues to help families , it helped mine .
Encouraging you to get the tools to help you through this.
God bless