@juliedyan I am sorry your mom is going through all of this. Her shoulder might be an issue if she has to use her arms to help support her body weight, and using a walker or cane will involve that. She may not have the strength for that and already has shoulder pain. I'm guessing she does not walk well from the spine condition and need for surgery. She may need something like a scooter to sit on and propel herself with her legs or a wheelchair. I suggest discussing his with her primary care doctor and surgeon. Rolators are not the best because they can roll away from you if you're off balance causing a fall. They have hand brakes. I did use one while sitting and propel myself backward carefully on it with my ankle fracture. They can also be a bit top heavy, and if you hit a bump in pavement, they can tip over.

My folks were on traditional Medicare with a supplement insurance plan. If that describes your mom, I suggest call Medicare or log into her Medicare account online and see what the rules are regarding a rehab stay after a hospitalization. It depends on how many days the hospital keeps her as a patient for qualification on her release and how many rehab days had been used within a certain time period. Medicare pays for a set number of days of a rehab stay. Also call the rehab center she is interested in. Availability of care changes and there could be a wait list. They deal with Medicare and will understand the parameters on getting approval. Rehab is really expensive and it might be out of reach if your have to pay out of pocket. Then that will suddenly leave you to try to manage and be a live in caregiver if everything falls apart. Discuss this with all the doctors too. The hospital has social workers who arrange discharge to a rehab center. They also evaluate her ability to function in daily living, for example, I broke my ankle and there were occupational therapy people at the hospital working with me to get me to be able to go up and down stairs. Before I was discharged, I needed to show them I could navigate with one leg because I had stairs at home. I was in the hospital an extra day because I had to figure out how to use my weight on my arms to do this while hopping on one leg and dangling my painful leg .

If your mom's surgery is being paid by a different insurance or if this is a legal case, you'll need to get advice from the insurance or legal counsel. Be proactive and make the call. I think this will be difficult to do from a distance. You may need to do a 3 way conference call because your mom has to give her permission so they can talk to you about her medical issues because of HIPPA laws. Have your mom sign permission for that with every doctor and insurance she has. Your mom may not remember what the surgeon says to her and probably needs you on that call. She is probably stressed and it is scary to have to go through spine surgery. I was anxious for a long time and had to work my way through it. Right now, she might think she is handling things, but if she doesn't remember instructions it will cause more tress. The stress she is under will affect if she understands and remembers things.

For the bath tub height, there are longer shower benches that can span from inside a tub and outside to the bathroom floor. Your mom could then sit down and then have to scoot over and pick her legs up over the side and scoot over the tub. That depends on her capabilities and that may be too much right after spine surgery. It's possible that her condo would not be the best place for her after this surgery. She may need a wheelchair at some point and being able to roll into a shower is much easier. My mom uses a wheelchair and has a shower chair inside of a large shower that has grab rails around. She transfers from the wheelchair to the shower chair by standing up and pivoting. There will probably be evaluations by physical therapists or home health along the way. Anything with insurance or Medicare payments must come from careful documentation. If you look at handicap accessible hotel rooms, the shower is just behind a curtain with no barrier on the floor and has a shower bench, grab rails, and a hand held sprayer. I stayed in rooms like that during my ankle surgery which was at Mayo.

I can see how all of this may be very overwhelming for her and she really needs to know that the disability problems can be overcome. Loosing independence is very hard. My dad was depressed about the Hoyer lift, and I had to tell him it was for me because with my spine condition, I was too weak to be able to assist him on my own. Your mom will need reassurance. She should be involved in all the choices and decision making. At some point, the distance of her living arrangement may not work if she needs family assistance. She may need to move closer to family and that would be easier for everyone. All of this affects the entire family when you are absent in order to help your mom.

Another note about hiring caregivers is that there is a difference in what the job expectation is. Caregivers don't assist with physical problems like a CNA at a nursing home does. It costs a lot more to hire a worker who has to physically assist or help lift a patient. It is very easy to get hurt doing that, and there are specific ways to do things to minimize risk. You have to make sure you don't exceed your physical capabilities if your mom can't stand from a seated position or get in and out of bed by herself. There is a lot to think about as she goes through this. You don't have to solve it all at once, but as you go, you'll figure out what to do. As you move into a caregiver role with your mom, it can also be very rewarding, and your bond can become closer. I had that with my dad, and we had more time to talk and he told me how grateful he was for my help.