Do You Need All Those Pills? Depression & lessons I learned

I am so sorry for your suffering. No one can completely understand what you are going through, but I identify. I have had a slow walk through hell for the last decade. I try to remember what Churchill said "when you are going through hell keep going" that maybe the only thing I've done well.

I am not a doctor of any kind and I share only my experience. I am not recommending anything to anyone. Mental illness is a fight we fight alone, as you know all too well.

My experience is that after treatment for Substance Abuse (I was a drunk and a drug addict) at seventeen I was examined by one of best psych hospital in the Northeast and told I did not have a mental health disorder. I was to attend counseling. which I did for the next nine years. My life flourished in every way.

At thirty five I quite smoking and my PCP (a friend and client) prescribed 20mg of Zoloft to help me quit, It worked. I haven't smoked since. It's the next thing he did that ultimately lead to what I believe was my undoing. He referred me to a psychiatrist to manage the med. No problem it seemed to all work out fine. A few years later he retired. I was referred to a very prominent doctor in the area.

He determined I had major depressive disorder. I was promptly put on 900mg of Lithium, 450 of Venlafaxine and 450 of Wellbutrin. Seemed a bit extreme but who was I to argue. I was down (nothing like what was to come) and I did have anxiety, he's the doc so I started taking the drugs.

Within a year my life began to unravel and within five I began my slow walk through hell. I ultimately lost everything that mattered to me, including my freedom.

I recently turned sixty and had decided enough was enough I'm done. I prepared to end my life. I read a lot and a stumbled across a book "Brain Energy" by a Dr Palmer of Harvard and McClain hospital, well it was really and audio recording as I had difficulty concentrating on a book. The theory he proposed probably save my life. Simply put mental illness is simply illness. If we want to recover or at least put our conditions in to remission we had to treat the whole body. wow!

So I started researching his ideas, researching investments is how I made my living, this was no different. After digging for four hours a day for a month I presented my findings to my mental health provider and my PCP and they found them sound. To my great relief they are now helping with my goal of decreasing and perhaps eliminating my psychiatric medication and the associated side effect meds.

What I am about to say may seem like hearsay; I believe my illness has been one of unnecessary medication. I won't know until I get further down the road. That said I've cut out five medications and only have nine to go.

It is critical that I did this will my doctors help, I tried to stop once before and it was a disaster. So I would not do anything they did not support. I also have made radical changes to my diet the most important being no sugar. There are more to do but that's the big one. And I drastically increased my physical activity from almost none to two hours a day five days a week of vigorous exercise.

I feel the best I have in decades. I was sixty pounds over wait now only forty five and most importantly I have hope. I believe had I not made the changes I've made I would certainly be dead. It all started with educating myself on my illness and the medications I was taking. Medications that had ballooned from three to fourteen as each new doctor added their touch to the stew.

The only thing I can recommend with confidence is that we all owe it to ourselves to dig deep in to our illness, just as we would do if we had cancer. No one else is going to do it for us. Docs don't have the time. My family really doesn't believe there is anything wrong with me and much of society believes I should just get off my ass and do something.

My heart bleeds for everyone suffering in anyway.

I still have a long way to go but I have hope for the first time in many years. It takes some getting used to.

I wish for you that you find what works and have peace in your life. On that note I had Ketamine treatments, yes they were expensive, but I paid more for street drugs when I was a kid. Ketamine provided a wonderful vacation from myself for a good part of the day over a couple of weeks. It was worth it for that alone. I also had ECT for nineteen sessions, it wiped out all of my memories for at least a month. Neither has had any lasting effect. I believe they were treating something I don't have, so there's that.

I have taken mushrooms only once a long time ago and I vomited violently, could have been the Southern Comfort though. All kidding, aside they may have something there if I was still feeling like I was a month ago and I was still alive, I would try them.

Again, everything I share is just me. If some of it helps thank you for sharing your story with me, everything else discarded it.

Be Well!

I also have started cutting back on my meds which will take a long time - little by little because I've been on so long. But it's working and I feel better. Doc wanted to replace with another drug but why would I do that when I'd only have to get off of that one too! I'm doing it CDC way. The only way I know. Little by little. Piece by piece. And it's working.

I, too, have been prescribed psychotropic drugs far too long - over 27 years, to manage depression & bipolar disorder. About 5 years ago, my psychologist who used to teach psychopharmacology at med. school, shared his discovery that I had already intuited that depending on psychotropic is a mistake after a few years. We worked with the m.d. in the office to be weaned off Buspar - easiest to be weaned off, Depakote, 2nd easiest, & Effexor, which I'm down to 37.5 mg. ER every other day. Instead of relying on those drugs, at age 75, I rely on my Al-Anon 12-Step support group meetings, cardioboxing & fitness training 4 days a week, prayer & meditation (Step 11), along with a sound high-protein, fiber, fruits & veggies type of diet with 1 cheat day a week. Despite the challenges of aging & marriage to an 85-year-old curmudgeon from whom I need to take a vacation every 6 months, I'm much more relaxed & content at this age than 30 years, when I was hospitalized for suicidal depression. If you work at physical, emotional, & spiritual fitness, you can definitely do the same without drugs. Also, I happen to be a 51-year survivor of thyroid cancer. A noted cancer surgeon confirmed what I've discovered in my own life journey: His cancer patients with alcoholics & addicts in their families far surpassed the survival rates of all other patients. Why? They worked the 12 Steps in their lives every day to heal physically, emotionally, & spiritually!

You are in inspiration, bravo!

Thank you for sharing your story it helps keep my hope alive.

I wish you wellness all of your days.

@jomomma1 , I think you asked about taking care of mental health naturally? I believe that is sometimes possible. However, one thing to keep in mind is that quitting present medication(s) can be very, very difficult.
One of the medications you mentioned was BuSpar (buspirone). It is one that has been around a bit longer and seems, to me anyway, a bit safer than some of the others.

I am on 4 antipsychotics and antidepressant, my head is a mess and has been, anxiety, depression is deep. I started thinking these meds are making me sicker, I'm sure they are

I posted previously that I am detoxing from an overload of medication, psych meds and the meds to treat the side effects. With gratitude to anyone who ever wished me well, I am happy to report I am down to 137.5 of Venlafaxine from 450mg, 300mg of Lithium from 900mg, 300 of bupropion from 450 and 40mg of Latuda. Latuda was prescribed to help with the side effects from discontinuing the others.

I have been able to reduce my meds with the guidance of my doctors and a lot of my own research. Frankly I keep them informed, they simply do not have the time. All of this progress has taken only three and a half months. With continued hard work and support I will be off of everything before the end of the year, from fourteen total meds to zero in six months.

Two side effects of note: my sleep has been erratic from just a comply of hours a night the first two weeks to two four hour blocks last night. I try to sleep eight hours every night even if I have to keep going back to bed.

The biggest changes, however have been in my lifestyle.

I now devote, eight hours a day to sleep or trying to. Eight hours a day are devoted to self care, exercise, reading, writing, mediation and hopefully one day spending time with my children. The remaining eight hours are devoted to work. In reality I probably only spend about somewhere between four to six hours on work, but that's up from zero.

The most important components of self care are for me:

Dietary changes: I no longer eat refined sugar unless it is by accident and I avoid ultra processed foods. I have also balanced out the rest of my diet in any way I can.

Exercise: I exercise two to three hours a day. I feel great when I exercise so the only limit I place on it is what my body can do, I started at thirty minutes of light exercise.

Stress reduction for me is reading, music and mediation.

When I thought about it splitting my day into thirds just seemed like the right balance. Obviously the exact amount of each changes from day to day but this is what I shoot for. Initially it is not easy, but it is simple.

I became a multimillionaire by working twelve to fourteen hours a day, sleeping five and eating out almost overnight. I married the love of my life, had four beautiful children and built five companies all by the time I was forty five.

By fifty I had lost everything (my wife leaving (righty so) and taking the children being the worse) along with my freedom!

To repeat in five years of heavy medication, that it appears I did not need I lost everything and and went to prison. All because I didn't want to change the way I was living, I wanted an easy fix. No doctor had the insight or the courage to tell me what I needed to hear: my lifestyle was killing me. I was prescribed pills and unnecessary treatments instead.

Mental Health Care is still in the dark ages and few professionals even have time to think let along do research. I have to do my own research, advocate for myself and most importantly I have to be honest with myself and change the things I know I need to be changed.

I believe we all know what has to change. Even if I can't get off of all the medications, my life is now filled with purpose and sometimes even joy. Three and half months ago if someone had told me that was possible I would have told them to look at my life and think again.

Now I say "look at my life over the last three and half months" anything is possible.

Today on mental health day I wish every one good mental health and that you may one day experience joy again.

Thank you to everyone who has written to me on this board for all your support.