I’ve found that if you want to see them, you have to go to them and NOT on the actual Christmas Day or other holiday, unless specifically invited (and no hinting). I call the month before and ask if it’s okay to come the first or second day after a holiday, mention quickly I’ll be making reservations at the local (hotel- I like the Hampton Inns), and and am conscious of no guilt-tripping if they hesitate or the answer is no.
You have to decide what’s most important, seeing them or not seeing them. The easiest and least disruptive for them that you can make the visit, the more likely they are to say,”Yes”, then be on your best behavior- no criticism or advice unless asked, bring a small gift (I bring a nice chocolate selection), be mindful of how early you come and how late you stay, take everyone out to dinner on your last night, don’t complain.
The old days when we were regularly trundled off to Grandma’s house are over. You want to see them, you go there, and figure out how to do it if creativity is necessary. Make yourself a welcome guest.