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Do You Need All Those Pills? Depression & lessons I learned
Ever since I stumbled across this message board I have tried to make it point to check it everyday, it has been that helpful! I've posted a few replies and have mention much of what I am about to post in pieces. I want to pull those pieces together in the hope that they might help some one as they helped me. First a not so brief history;
At 11, I started drink and taking drugs. I 17, I went into treatment for 8 months. Staying sober brought up a lot of repressed issues. At 24 I began psychotherapy for what would be 9 years, the important part is NO medication. My life flourished. I had my own business, married the love of my life, had four children and became quite well off. At 35 I quite smoking. My friend and PCP gave me 20 mg of Zoloft to deal with the anxiety and referred me to a psychiatrist who kept me on a low level of Zoloft.
At age 40 I saw a different psychiatrist at a hospital, the previous one retired. He did not believe I had anxiety but Major Depressive Disorder. This doctor prescribed 900mg of Lithium, 450mg of Wellbutrin (and my personal favorite), 450 of Venlafaxine (Effexor). One would think he was on the pharmaceutical companies payroll. For the next 10 years every doctor and hospital I saw kept me on the same meds or actually added some. When that didn't work I had ECT, TMS, Ketamine any anything else we could come up with including massive amounts of vitamins and herbal remedies. Next up mushrooms?
Ten years latter, after having been suicidal shortly after I was put on meds, I had what they called a psychotic break. The result being my wife left me (she was right to do so), my children still don't talk to me (ten years later) and I went to prison for 3 years.
The prison and everyone since has continued the same protocol and more meds, taking those away to try something else but always keeping me on the same triad + Lorazepam until just before my 60th birthday this past June.
I couldn't take anymore and I decided it was time. As I was executing my plan when something told me to try one more time. I started asking questions of my doctors and of Google. I found a book, "Brain Energy" by a psychiatrist a Dr.Palmer. Things started to make sense.
The side effects I had been dealing with for years (5 meds just for side effects) where the same as those for low testosterone. A little more research and low and behold all of my psych meds except one, has as a side effect suppressing testosterone. Is it possible that since age 40 my problems with my mental health was in fact the medication prescribed to alleviate my suffering?
I started making changes reducing and eliminating some drugs. Increasing my exercise and changing my diet. The result: I feel the best I ever have. I still have a long way to go but I am supported by my doctors who encouraged or at least tolerate my questions and provide valuable checks and balance.
None of the healthcare professionals that helped me throughout the years was ill intentioned. They are good people who want to help people and they fervently wanted to help me. But, we can only see what we are trained to see. If someone is suffering the human instinct is to try to help. It is even stronger in those whose lives are dedicated to healing. The idea of doing nothing is an anathema to them.
Sometimes doing nothing is what is needed. My first psychiatrist pronounced me ready to live my life without him and he was right. He gave me no meds, he did have me test Prozac for him when it first came out, I became suicidal within 30 days we never tried anything else.
Ultimately this is all my fault. I never questioned anyone I simply took whatever pill they told me to take. I wanted a quick fix to whatever I was dealing with. As more and more people got sick the mental health industry separated prescribing drugs from psychotherapy, this has been a disaster.
It is up to me to be link between the two groups. It is up to me to educate myself about my illness. It is up to me to check on the side effects and interactions between the drugs I take and it is up to me to do the work I need to do to be well. Medical professionals simple do not have the time anymore.
Mental Illness is simply illness. Mental Health Care is Health Care period the body and mind are inexorably linked. How I ever thought other wise seems impossible to me now.
May your journey be filled with joy. Never forget you are loved. And never give up!
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It was like reading my own story. I was so over medicated that happened gradually it became second nature to live in the intense fog I was in. Unlike you I do not think they were good doctors. They have passed me through the system They never bothered to look at my medication through out the years and still don’t. I had been in that fog since shortly after my 4th child was born. She is now 24. How do you try to explain to your children that you weren’t really there. That is what psychiatrists have done to me. With the help from Mayo I eliminated about 9 different anxiety pills, sleeping pills and blood pressure medication. I was on Lithium that raised blood pressure and 2 that lowered blood pressure. Confirmed by doctors I no longer need a cardiologist, neurologist, pulmonologist and psychiatrist ( I got rid of him). I am on 2 psych meds now. 1 for bipolar mania and one for bipolar depression
I am a completely different person now. I deal with anxiety naturally, I sleep like a baby without sleeping pills and I am happier than I have ever been. I see a counselor now which is so beneficial and I have a nurse practitioner to handle medication. I go for an annual mental checkup with Mayo to be sure I am on the right track. I get to live a new life now and get to truly know my children now
Please be very careful with medication. You are your best advocate and don’t blindly follow a psychiatrist
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1 ReactionI’m weeping for both of us. We’ve lost so much through negligence or incompetence of those who were supposed to help.
The time lost with our children is gone forever. Mine were children the last time I saw or heard from, they are in college now and still do not talk to me. I’m trying to reach out to them now.
My life’s mission until I die or it changes is to help those who suffer and their care providers not make the same mistakes.
I spent my career doing research to help people make money. I’m directing those skills to hopefully help individuals and their doctors do research on their diagnosis and the interactions between the meds they take. No one else is doing it I might as well give it a shot.
You are an inspiration, may your journey be filled with joy. You are loved by many.
A psychiatrists main job is to treat you with pharmaceuticals. You will need to see an integrative or holistic doctor 👨🏼⚕️ or naturopath for help without chemicals. It is possible! It’s not covered by insurance. Exercise and nutrition is key to mental health… far better than any chemical. Just be careful to ween the under the supervision of a doctor. God bless you
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1 ReactionI am so sorry for all you have been through. I agree with your statement about well meaning doctors, but western medicine has become all about pharmaceuticals… adding pills to treat the side effects of the first pills doesn’t make sense. No one, not even the best doctor, knows how any medicine will affect your unique body or mind… they sure do not know how any combination will work. Suicide rates have skyrocketed… could it possibly be in part to the side effects of the very drugs used to treat anxiety and depression? Have an adult daughter who had hallucinations with venlyfaxine … it’s not even listed as a potential side effect…. She really thought there were demons in her room… want to know what her doctor did when she said she couldn’t sleep anymore due to extreme fear and anxiety ??? Sent her to a sleep therapist!!! I finally got her to quit taking the medicine … however then the doctor treated her “ PTSD” front the hallucinations with yet a other medicine… and continued to add drugs to deal with the headaches and nausea from that med. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ (also note… this was all to treat vestibular migraines… she never had anxiety or depression!!!). Insanity
Thank you for your kindness.
Venlafaxine 450 for 30 years, the same for Lithium 900 and Bupropion 450. Along with whatever was thrown in to treat whatever side effects.
The worst part is my research leads me to believe I may not have needed any of it. Psychotherapy did more for me than drugs ever did.
The current state of treatment for Mental Illness resembles blood letting during the Plague.
It's a wonder anyone survives. Notice no one is making any money advertising Psychotherapy yet adds for pills are everywhere?
We are the consumer. I say this only for myself, I no longer trust the mental health industry.
Thank you for reaching out and allowing me to blather on. If I haven't mentioned it yet a book "Brain Energy" is what started me asking questions. The book was life changing. The author is a Dr. Palmer at McClain and a professor at Harvard. I am glad I read it before they burn him at the stake for heresy.
I wish you and your family easy travels.
Amen!
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1 ReactionI agree with you completely! Thank you for the book recommendation, I will get it right away! God bless you and all who are over medicated!
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@dfb thank you for sharing your story ❤️ it was very intense but I understand all the unique parts of it so clearly. There is something inside of me that simply won't let it happen. Tho every time I try to grab onto something it's there for awhile and then poof! It's gone and I'm drowning again. Fortunately, twice in the last years I found a friend (one in Scotland who I met in a group!) who was home that night and could talk me down for hours...My grandson was my guiding light. Omg how I love that little boy. After my last incident, car accident, bizarre behavior, SHE, my daughter, was embarrassed of me (everyone thought it was drugs or drinking which is funny because I don't drink and any "drugs" i take I have been on for 11 years and do not change the dose). I was literally dying. My body was breaking down from a tick borne disease I didn't know I had!! I was literally DYING!! If that doesn't want to make you live I don't know what else would 😳😳!! ONE doctor, a PA, saw the labs I had sent to all of my specialists because I knew there was something wrong, only that doctor took the labs further and checked for tick related diseases. And he was right. It was Ehrlichia, which being that I was so immune suppressed on leukemia meds, was very quick acting and my kidneys and my brain were the worse affected. I told my daughter what was going on. She won't let me see him or talk to him. He will be 5 in two weeks. The last time I hadnt seen him in 3 weeks he thought it was HIS fault and when I realized that and I told him that grandpa and I had Covid and we had been sick, he jumped into my arms and kept saying he loved me over and over. I can't imagine what he thinks now that it's almost 2 months. I was able to FaceTime with him once and he was acting silly. He's five years old - how do you expect him to be and he was probably excited!! That was the last time I spoke to him 😣. My heart of hearts. The love of my life. 💔💔
My brain doesn't understand - I was dying and she was embarrassed and never saw me in the hospital. Never called me. Never asked my husband how i was. Incomprehensible to me. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. I am hoping time will change her otherwise her son will lose out on such a special relationship and that's what keeps me going actually. I would never want my grandson to think I took my life because he wasn't good enough for me.....wow this has been very therapeutic for me.....that last sentence just flowed out of me and it is the truth. Thank you dfb for your insight which has released my own. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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3 ReactionsI don't want to discourage you but I felt I wanted to respond.
I have treatment resistant depression. I've been on meds since I was 25 years old. I'm 55 now. My depression journey has been pure hell. I've been on every type of antidepressant. The only thing that helps is an maoi.
I've researched and used herbal and vitamins for treatment over the years. I disorder being on meds: currently 60mg Nardil (maoi), 25mg seroquel prn sleep, 50mg hydroxazine provides sleep, 500mg gabapentin prn sleep, ativan 1mg prn sleep.
I'm still only sleeping aprox 4 hours per night.
I'm looking into ketamine, however the cost isn't something I can endure. Psilocybin looks promising but it's illegal in the state I live.
There are psychiatrists that treat nutritionally. I would google. Ypu might need to do online treatment due to distance of dr.
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