Thankfully, my husband is doing good right now, but when he was really depressed, I TRIED to keep my mouth shut as much as I could and have him talk when he wanted to talk, which is really hard for me, because I ask way too many questions. I also tried really hard to keep a positive attitude even when things were really bad, just to try to keep a good environment around him. Like if he didn’t want to go anywhere, just accepting that without the sighs and moping around. Again trying to be as understanding as possible. I’ve learned this with my son’s depression too…. I was always asking him questions to see if he’s ok and it just pushed him away. He’s much more receptive to me backing off, yet being around when he does need to talk and letting him know that.
And, lots of prayers for them! Also, the people closest to them get the worst of them, because we’re their safe place, so I try to remember, it’s not me they’re mad at, they just don’t feel good.
I’m sure you’ve done so much to help your husband, don’t beat yourself up, you’ve stuck by him and have had to endure so much. I will pray that he will be open to help.
One last thing, there are a ton of podcast and books and resources out there to help understand what they’re going through, so I’m educating myself when I can.