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Lost My Resolve
Hello everyone who has followed my journey of madness in dealing with apartment dwellers and neurotic women. No offense intended. I too can be neurotic at times.
If being told by my "friend" that I looked like a Holocaust victim was not bad enough, I received a phone call this afternoon from my next door neighbor, a woman I met 10 years ago and for quite some time we had a very nice friendship. This friendship took a turn last summer while I was walking her dog (a dog that my dog and I had found and I had given to her). The dog had terrible diarrhea during the walk, and when we returned I asked her what she had fed the dog that morning. "Macaroni Salad from Walmart." I said to her that we had discussed her history of feeding dogs human food and what the result of doing so could be. She had killed her last dog by feeding her liverwurst along with every other "human"" food one could imagine. Think, McDonald Happy Meals that she spread out on the grass to eat with her dog. Yes, I am serious. "Don't you shame me about my dog" she says to me. This is just some background information so that whoever reads this will understand what happened this afternoon after I returned from a lovely shopping trip with a friend.
I was outside on my patio all morning, rearranging plants and repotting plants. Yes, I did use the cordless drill for a few minutes. Anyway, when I got home and finished up the gardening, I came inside and my neighbor called me and said, "You need to take your sign off of the fence." The sign in question reads: "Carpe Diem." I said to her, "you mean you don't want to seize the day?" She said, "that is your stuff and I don't want to look at it." Sighing. I went outside and said over the fence, "this 95 lb body does not have any energy left today to climb on a ladder with my drill and remove the sign." End of story. Almost.
This evening I began reading articles about the stigma attached to those who suffer from a chronic illness, and I wonder if anyone has had a similar experience. It was only when I began showing signs of being ill that those in my community pretty much steered clear of me. This behavior continues. In fact, when I was walking home from the friend I take care of a week or so ago, and just after being told I look like a Holocaust victim, I took note that several women I used to walk my dog with and talk to were out with their dogs and sped up so not to have to talk to me. I've let all of this roll off my shoulder as best I can because I know this crazy behavior is more about them than I.
However, one reaches a point where they feel like they just can't take it anymore. I am not inclined to do anything stupid, although my friend who I take care of suggested I "key" my neighbor's car on my way home this evening. I did not do this, and have no plans to do so. I am at a loss for words. When I first moved into this apartment, I hung up a rainbow windsock, and the same neighbor demanded I remove it because she did not want her grandchildren to see it. A rainbow? I did not put that out because of some "pride" thing, but rather as a decoration I thought was cheerful.
I understand now why some people who have no self control can just lose it over a situation similar to mine. I am not going to do anything other than remove the sign. And to think that just a few days ago I floated a balloon over the fence on which I had written, "Have a Great Day,"
Thank you for reading this. I broke my cardinal rule which is not to go online after 8 pm because I felt I needed to tell someone, a stranger even, just how I am feeling, presently. I went into my bedroom earlier, took hold of my dog's picture and cried because I do not understand why we must live in such a cruel world.
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Sorry that you are going through this but I have to say that I admire the way you are handling things by not getting emotional with your neighbor. Relationships can be hard even under the best of circumstances and often it seems the things tend to drive us crazy but here again you seem to know what to do by not over reacting. I guess if I was you I would be polite but at the same time try to avoid this difficult neighbor. It's not easy to turn the other cheek but it's the only thing I can think of. I wish you all the best.
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15 Reactionsin reply to @casey1329 Yes about relationships being difficult, at best. More especially when one lives in an apartment community where it is a challenge to try to get along with those who live nearby. I have been avoiding this neighbor and my other neighbor all together, especially since the "tool" incident that resulted in a phone call from the apartment manager that I could only use my power tools inside. In all honesty, I did envision myself, with the saw in hand, raised up in the air pointed toward my upstairs neighbor and now former friend. My sister commented that my desire to do this sounded like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I did not do this and will not. However, after my next door neighbor called about the Carpe Diem sign I did go out on my patio with my staple gun and shot staples at the fence. Totally harmless, I am not a violent person by any stretch. I really just wanted to scream, but I cannot.
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5 ReactionsYeah, I get it neighbors can be difficult. It seems more times than not when my husband goes to sit and relax our neighbor takes out his leaf blower and runs it up and down the small dirt path under my husbands window and it is really loud. I had to buy headphones for my husband before he went out and had a fight with the guy. Wouldn't mind it as much if it happened during the day but it's generally in the evening around dinner time. You have it worst in an apt. but you seems to have a handle on it...good for you !
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2 Reactions@frances007 Oh, Frances, you always strike me as being the kindest, most thoughtful person! Remember, that you’re just living your life as best you can. Despite all your health problems, you still go out of your way to help others. Whenever someone is mean to you, just remind yourself that that is their problem. You cannot heal them or change them, just be polite. Just be yourself! I tell you this from experience. My mother in law never liked me and always said mean things to me or about things. But my husband and I always just thought how sad and lonely she must be.
Remember Frances, YOU are a wonderful person. My motto from those old days: “don’t let those turkeys get you down!”
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11 ReactionsI’m with you… People can be a real serious heartache. I just spent almost two weeks in a hospital with my fourth-five year old son due to kidney failure because of a tick bite…Annaplasmosis, a staff infection and total kidney failure! He had 6 dialysis treatments and God granted him a miracle… released from hospital and organs are recuperating. He was drunk last Monday… I have been in bed for 3 days depressed. Keep doing sweet, fun things…the “good” people love it!
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7 ReactionsHi Frances007,
I'm so sorry that people are being so cruel towards you! And here you are being so nice to them when you have your own physical problems to deal with. I wish you were my neighbor!
People are so thoughtless lately! My husband was very thin when he had a reaction to Keytruda and almost died. We were just going into the house when a neighbor who used to be our friend came by and said to my husband, "You look horrible!" I said, "Well, he almost died from Keytruda!" She just said, "Oh." and went about her way. That really bothered my husband. He had helped her many times in her house with things like putting in a new shower etc. We don't speak to her anymore.
Other neighbors have been unfriendly also since Ed got cancer. It's mostly younger people. They don't like older people. (Ed's 82 and I'm 77.) They want to park in our driveway since we don't go out a lot like they do. Nor, do we have a lot of company and they do. They don't ask. They and their friends just park in our driveway! Even when I explained that my husband had lung cancer and the driveway had to be kept clear in case we had to call the aid car. They still parked there! We got tired of making them move! Finally, I left my gardening clippings which were in a large black garbage sack in the middle of the driveway secured with a large rock. It worked! No one parks in the driveway anymore! But isn't it awful we have to resort to things like this? People are not good anymore like they used to be!
Frances, you are a good person. There aren't many like you around anymore sadly. I know how you feel about your dog. It's hard when our animal friends pass on. They are in heaven and we'll see them again. I know because both my Mom and I saw our St. Bernard, Max after he died. Now, Mom's dead too. I still miss them both.
I will say a prayer for you. Life can only get better for you. God will see to that!
PML
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7 ReactionsKinda funny! Keep you sense of humor… you sound like a lot of fun!😊
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2 ReactionsThis does not, unfortunately, surprise me. I am glad you did not key the car. You would have felt awful afterward! This woman has some deep issues, nothing to do with you! When people are so hurtful they are usually miserable themselves. Just keep being you and don't let such people bring you down. Easier said than done, I know! Good luck on your journey darling! I wish you much ❤ love!
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2 ReactionsLast Wednesday as I was driving myself home after a whirlwind visit from my son, I decided that I was going to stop the world and get off. Still not sure when I will get on again.
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2 ReactionsI agree Becky...Frances is really a model of restraint!
I'd just like to add, though, what a (world of!) difference it makes if you have someone in your life who SEES these behaviors alongside you, AND supports you AND acknowledges that the other person is the problem.
Having been single all my life (until the last 9 years in a relationship, the last 2 of which we've been living together) I can tell you how lonely it can get when these frictions - and worse - arise, especially if they're living in your "space" - whether it's next door, down below, or in the same complex. And, as satisfying as my relationship has been, in my case it doesn't necessarily mean the partner SEES, let alone commiserates, with your experience. But that's another subject for a separate section.
So, in summary, all I want to acknowledge here - and I feel it is significant to Frances' experience - is that going through these trials alone is so much more impactful when there isn't another soul nearby to SEE the behavior firsthand AND support (or at least HUG YOU!) when you endure it.
All warmth and support for Frances here!
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