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I Have Trouble NOT Expressing Every Criticism I Have SELF-RIGHTEOUS
Mental Health | Last Active: Jul 22, 2023 | Replies (6)Comment receiving replies
@loribmt Hi Lori, I am going to answer your last question first because I believe it is the most telling.
My mother, her brother and their mother (my grandmother) were all very critical and very opinionated. This trio was responsible for teaching me, by example and experience to nitpick everything.
I was criticized as a small child for coloring a picture and putting the colors pink and yellow next to each other! That was almost 70 years ago and I still remember Mom telling me that! She was critical and judgmental about the neighbors and how they put their trash cans out…
My uncle complained all the time. He would write letters of complaint to companies on a regular basis.
You get the point I’m sure. This is what I grew up with and it seem like the older I get, the worse I have become.
I can be very rude. I don’t try to be but I know that is how I come across sometimes. I totally dislike that about myself. I’m a Christian and I know who to turn to for help. But, I’m human too so I fail miserably at times.
I struggle with generalized anxiety disorder, and bipolar II. I suspect that these disorders are contributing significantly to my open mouth stick foot in issues.
Oh, and Mild Cognitive Impairment is the icing on my cake!
Lori, thank you for your kind, thoughtful and generous response. I really would appreciate hearing from you again! 🙃
Replies to "@loribmt Hi Lori, I am going to answer your last question first because I believe it..."
I identify with what you say - but in a very different way.
In my family, there were no secrets (well, almost none) about what was going on with each member. When I married, it was to a family that shared little/nothing - there were secrets everywhere. We had many discussions about what to share and with whom, and I thought I had learned.
After 50+ years, I just found out this week that I might still be sharing more than some of my family are comfortable with... So, now I get to contemplate how to tame my gregarious nature even more. Hard for this old dog to learn new tricks, but I'll try if it makes my husband and kids more comfortable.
Sue
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Good morning, SusanEllen. Our childhood’s can surely make us or break us! Reminds me of the old joke about a Freudian slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother. ☺️
We’re shaped by the people around us even as adults. If we’re in an office setting or anywhere, we’re influenced by the company we keep. Years ago there was a new coworker who changed the flavor of the office where I worked, reducing it to a gossipy, unpleasant surrounding. It took even the strongest of us down to the nasty person’s basic level. We made changes and brought the positive aura back again…harmony was restored.
I use that as an example that we can go through personality changes and that we can rise above our thoughts when we realize that we’re not happy with our current pattern. We are not our thoughts! ☺️
In your heart, you’re truly not a rude person. Even well meaning people can come across this way unintentionally. It sounds like you grew up forming your conversational skills with a family unit who was acerbic and rude. That becomes the norm for behavior. But you’re realizing that’s not how you want to be.
I know you can make these changes! It will take baby steps but you’re already conscious of the fact that you want to be a ‘kinder, gentler’ version of yourself. But keep the moxie! Hehe.
Try looking online or at the library for self help books for conversational skills. There are videos on Youtube. And like I mentioned yesterday , “Think before you speak” is such an easy way to not put a foot into the mouth…and for sure that isn’t easy!! I often have things to say and swear there are bite marks on my tongue.
But I think if you take this slowly you can make little changes to start feeling happier and more satisfied with the way you talk with people. Try little things like smiling more, doing random acts of kindness, giving positive affirmations to yourself and others.
When you see something that bothers you, try to let it go instead of commenting. (Aside of abuse to a person, animal, etc.) Try internalizing the conversation instead of saying your response out loud. Maybe roll play in your head to see what it would feel like if you were the one on the receiving end of what you’re about to say to someone else.
You are a really sweet person from what I’m reading, I think it’s time to let the real you shine. And for heaven’s sake, get yourself a box of crayons and put the pink and yellow next to each other!!! That’s one of my favorite color combos!!
Hugs!