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I Have Trouble NOT Expressing Every Criticism I Have SELF-RIGHTEOUS
Mental Health | Last Active: Jul 22, 2023 | Replies (6)Comment receiving replies
Hello @SusanEllen66 “OMG…did I just say that out loud?” Haha I get it. It’s been a lifelong challenge to find a filter for me, my daughter, my mom, sister…
It takes practice and mindfulness to know when and where to actually add our two cents worth to a conversation.
I’m by no means an expert and I still have many cringeworthy moments but the classic…’Think before you speak” is still the best practice.
If we can’t really offer anything constructive except our own need to be right, then we maybe shouldn’t say anything at all. “. That’s where the practiced, smile and nod, technique comes into play. ☺️
I’m also a prolific writer when I see things that really trip my trigger. However, I don’t send the letters! It’s my way of getting the angry or troublesome thoughts out of my head. The negative thoughts are like a sliver under the skin, if not removed it sits and festers! Once the thoughts are purged, I feel so much better and then the thoughts just disappear and I can move on.
So I might suggest that too instead of writing and sending your letters…just write them but don’t hit ‘send’ if it’s an email. I intentionally don’t put in the address so I can’t accidentally send it!
I admire you for admitting that you realize you’re coming across as self-righteous with your opinions and comments. That you also realize this may be a problem. It is difficult to keep things bottled up when we see an issue that ‘we feel’ needs addressing. But as humans we have the ability for self introspection to make changes to our behavior.
I did find some interesting and somewhat revealing articles about learning and practicing social/communication skills. The first one is rudimentary for parents teaching kids social skills. Starts with the basics!
https://www.merakilane.com/think-it-or-say-it-out-loud-8-social-filter-activities-for-kids/
10 effective ways to improve communication skills. https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-improve-verbal-communication-skills
Youch…this one is interesting!! At least a good place to start for self reflection…
20 Traits of People That Have No Verbal Filter
https://www.puckermob.com/lifestyle/20-traits-of-people-that-have-no-verbal-filter/
I’m sure other members will write in with their suggestions. It will be fun to see this discussion develop. Haha, and then try not to make comments in response!! 😂
Have you always been a perfectionist?
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@loribmt Hi Lori, I am going to answer your last question first because I believe it is the most telling.
My mother, her brother and their mother (my grandmother) were all very critical and very opinionated. This trio was responsible for teaching me, by example and experience to nitpick everything.
I was criticized as a small child for coloring a picture and putting the colors pink and yellow next to each other! That was almost 70 years ago and I still remember Mom telling me that! She was critical and judgmental about the neighbors and how they put their trash cans out…
My uncle complained all the time. He would write letters of complaint to companies on a regular basis.
You get the point I’m sure. This is what I grew up with and it seem like the older I get, the worse I have become.
I can be very rude. I don’t try to be but I know that is how I come across sometimes. I totally dislike that about myself. I’m a Christian and I know who to turn to for help. But, I’m human too so I fail miserably at times.
I struggle with generalized anxiety disorder, and bipolar II. I suspect that these disorders are contributing significantly to my open mouth stick foot in issues.
Oh, and Mild Cognitive Impairment is the icing on my cake!
Lori, thank you for your kind, thoughtful and generous response. I really would appreciate hearing from you again! 🙃