I feel you on the incontinence. I deal with a lot of poo. My husband is willing to wear the depends, but they do not have the padding in the back where he also needs it. However--for sleep, visit a Sleep Doctor. Mine hooked me up with Dr Michael Brandner who helped me with cognitive therapy! Over time, my schedule had gotten peculiar, so this was a relief. I kept a diary (he provided a spreadsheet) and we analyzed it from there. I am now fine the great majority of the time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yJL8PNqykE