1. < Cancer: Managing Symptoms

Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?

Posted by azkidney57 @azkidney57, Oct 6, 2019

It struck me after my recent appointment with my oncologist how less focus is put on the emotional aspect of a cancer patient. I go to clinic I am checked in. I am asked in passing how I feel. Mostly I just say I am OK. It’s all routine. I saw my doctor he examined me we discussed the plan of action for my scans blood work. When a cancer patient is asked a how they feel often it’s “medical”. How do you “physically”feel.

Now that I am a “routine” patient at my cancer center no one stops to ask how I am “emotionally”. Don’t get me wrong there are people you can talk to. I feel things become so routine and some days I feel less emotionally “fit” than others. I never like going to the cancer center it stresses me. I am better about it but it is still a source of “depression “ and anxiety for me. When I feel this way I need routine. On my most recent visit I was given an “wrist band” to wear. I felt “branded”. Not only do I have to hold on to the appointment reminder “disc” now I am given an wrist band. It bothered me. So if you are a patient you can easily be identified by the disc and now and a wrist band. That my sound nit picky but I notice everything. If it bothers me it must bother other people as well. What would be good would be a place for patients, all patients, just patients to check in.

Ask us how we are today. Ask how we are coping. Ask care givers who bring in patients how they are coping. They should have “therapy” dogs on patrol. I love dogs and I know that would comfort me. It would take away some of the anxiety I feel each time I go to the cancer center. I am still “new” to my cancer. It’s been 6 months since my cancer diagnosis perhaps that is why I experience so much anxiety. I haven’t “accepted “ my cancer. It isn’t OK I have it. I am working through this.

Asking me how I am is a loaded question. Physically I am OK. Emotionally on some days I can be a bit of a “wreck”. The mortality aspect for me is a source of great distress at times. I realize I need to have perspective. Take one day at a time. Some days I could use a hug because even though I am adult it is scary to go to the cancer center and some days the child in me is more on the surface than the adult me. So I need to reel in the child and let the adult take hold.

Someone suggested mantras. I use one when I feel I need it. I tell myself it will be OK. It’s just a visit it’s just blood work it will be OK. That helps.

I believe all cancer patients have PTSD to some extent. I know I have it. This experience has traumatized me. Feeling sick, having symptoms, the diagnosis, the surgery, the recovery, the appointments, the blood work, the scans, the exams, the probing, going back to work, trying to regain “normalcy”, realizing there is a “new” normal, learning to live life the best you can. It is a bit much. It does get better and has gotten better. So when I am asked how I am doing it is a complex question and the answer on some days is convoluted.

At work people always ask how I am no one knows about my cancer because that is my busy but people know I was “sick”. I answer I am OK and move on because the question for me is complex. I would like to respond “ are you asking how I am physically or emotionally?”. No one has time for that. It takes too long.

My close friend asked me how I was and she and asked, “how are you really?”. In this “instant” and mostly impersonal world I am learning how the simple things, the unspoken words, the touch or hug, are often the most impacting. Cancer is teaching me to pay attention to what is around me, next to me, near by. Life is so precious don’t waste it.

How are you feeling today? How are you really? Do you need a hug? Are you feeling sad today? Is there something I can do for you right now?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms Support Group.

dor64 | @dor64 | Jun 13, 2023

I know exactly how you are feeling & your anxiety. It's been 30yrs since I faced the biggest hurdle I have had to deal with. Unless you have had cancer no one fully understands the inner trauma that comes with it. I still have PTSD. Every twinge or pain I immediately think...has it come back? I have ongoing quite serious side affects from the radiation I received. Day to day is a real bloody struggle, but life does goes on & we as survivors must look at it. We are still here on Earth even though we may still go through hell & back sometimes. Stay positive & don't let the no hugs or comments from people put you in a sad place. They just simply DONT understand. Not their fault. I think it frightens them to talk about that word! On a lighter note, all the very best for your future & when you think you can't get through it, maybe give this conversation a thought....we are STILL here. Regards Donna from Queensland Australia

REPLY
2 replies
phylrose1taubezin | @phylrose1taubezin | Jun 23, 2023

I am still waiting for a complete picture of my cancer. More tests scheduled. The anxiety is overwhelming and I so appreciated your words. Just started meditation with an online 5 minute deep breathing session. It's something else to try and occupy your mind even for those few minutes. We work so hard keeping our minds in a positive place during these times. Wish you all the best in your recovery.💕💕

REPLY
1 reply
phylrose1taubezin | @phylrose1taubezin | Jun 23, 2023
In reply to @dor64 "I know exactly how you are feeling & your anxiety. It's been 30yrs since I faced..." + (show)
@dor64

I know exactly how you are feeling & your anxiety. It's been 30yrs since I faced the biggest hurdle I have had to deal with. Unless you have had cancer no one fully understands the inner trauma that comes with it. I still have PTSD. Every twinge or pain I immediately think...has it come back? I have ongoing quite serious side affects from the radiation I received. Day to day is a real bloody struggle, but life does goes on & we as survivors must look at it. We are still here on Earth even though we may still go through hell & back sometimes. Stay positive & don't let the no hugs or comments from people put you in a sad place. They just simply DONT understand. Not their fault. I think it frightens them to talk about that word! On a lighter note, all the very best for your future & when you think you can't get through it, maybe give this conversation a thought....we are STILL here. Regards Donna from Queensland Australia

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Thank you for this. Your words so meaningful. Stay well.💕

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amyb5 | @amyb5 | Jun 24, 2023
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@bpknitter53 It’s so true. Self-care comes in so many ways and there are days that one..." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@bpknitter53 It’s so true. Self-care comes in so many ways and there are days that one thing works and another day that doesn’t work as well. I agree that getting suggestions from others is helpful and increases the possibility that we will find something for ourselves.

We’ve adopted a new strategy I read about recently in The NY Times. At least I have. When I intuit that my partner needs support (no surprise that I might be better at this than he is!) I can say “Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged?”. I told him about this and he liked the idea. Let’s see if we can use it in actual practice.

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Thank you for sharing this, I think it will be very helpful in many situations. “Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?”

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suemarie3 | @suemarie3 | Jun 24, 2023
In reply to @phylrose1taubezin "I am still waiting for a complete picture of my cancer. More tests scheduled. The anxiety..." + (show)
@phylrose1taubezin

I am still waiting for a complete picture of my cancer. More tests scheduled. The anxiety is overwhelming and I so appreciated your words. Just started meditation with an online 5 minute deep breathing session. It's something else to try and occupy your mind even for those few minutes. We work so hard keeping our minds in a positive place during these times. Wish you all the best in your recovery.💕💕

Jump to this post

I too know the anxiety of the future after cancer.
Rare tumor of the brain, craniotomy on Feb 28,
Just finished 6 weeks of daily radiation.
MRI next week to see if small piece of tumor is gone.
Every ache and pain scares me. Walking and Yoga are my go to supports.
I believe God is in control.

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1 reply
phylrose1taubezin | @phylrose1taubezin | Jun 24, 2023
In reply to @suemarie3 "I too know the anxiety of the future after cancer. Rare tumor of the brain, craniotomy..." + (show)
@suemarie3

I too know the anxiety of the future after cancer.
Rare tumor of the brain, craniotomy on Feb 28,
Just finished 6 weeks of daily radiation.
MRI next week to see if small piece of tumor is gone.
Every ache and pain scares me. Walking and Yoga are my go to supports.
I believe God is in control.

Jump to this post

I wish you all the best. Thanks for reaching out to me. 💕💕💕

REPLY
flgirl | @flgirl | Jun 27, 2023
In reply to @dor64 "I know exactly how you are feeling & your anxiety. It's been 30yrs since I faced..." + (show)
@dor64

I know exactly how you are feeling & your anxiety. It's been 30yrs since I faced the biggest hurdle I have had to deal with. Unless you have had cancer no one fully understands the inner trauma that comes with it. I still have PTSD. Every twinge or pain I immediately think...has it come back? I have ongoing quite serious side affects from the radiation I received. Day to day is a real bloody struggle, but life does goes on & we as survivors must look at it. We are still here on Earth even though we may still go through hell & back sometimes. Stay positive & don't let the no hugs or comments from people put you in a sad place. They just simply DONT understand. Not their fault. I think it frightens them to talk about that word! On a lighter note, all the very best for your future & when you think you can't get through it, maybe give this conversation a thought....we are STILL here. Regards Donna from Queensland Australia

Jump to this post

Hi!
Today I went for my yearly mammogram. The scar from my lumpectomy 8yrs ago kept me in limbo, or on the hot seat, for an hour and a half. Talk about major increased anxiety, sweating, feeling as if I would throw up, trying to control my emotions, and praying continuously!! I wanted to just run out of there! When I was told it was fine, and I could leave, I was in such a fog, and had a 20 minute drive in rush hour traffic. I don't know how I made it through that, except to say I believe in God, and know he has different plans for me! Tonight I feel as if I have run a marathon. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I arrived optimistic and outgoing, without any anxiety, and left there glazed over. Humans are very resilient, minds and body. I pray that at my next mammogram I will arrive in the same state of mind! Hugs and prayers for all here!

REPLY
1 reply
azashley | @azashley | Jun 28, 2023
In reply to @flgirl "Hi! Today I went for my yearly mammogram. The scar from my lumpectomy 8yrs ago kept..." + (show)
@flgirl

Hi!
Today I went for my yearly mammogram. The scar from my lumpectomy 8yrs ago kept me in limbo, or on the hot seat, for an hour and a half. Talk about major increased anxiety, sweating, feeling as if I would throw up, trying to control my emotions, and praying continuously!! I wanted to just run out of there! When I was told it was fine, and I could leave, I was in such a fog, and had a 20 minute drive in rush hour traffic. I don't know how I made it through that, except to say I believe in God, and know he has different plans for me! Tonight I feel as if I have run a marathon. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I arrived optimistic and outgoing, without any anxiety, and left there glazed over. Humans are very resilient, minds and body. I pray that at my next mammogram I will arrive in the same state of mind! Hugs and prayers for all here!

Jump to this post

I understand totally 💯 %
I am a 6 year survivor of endometrial cancer (full hysterectomy, 6mo chemo, 6weeks daily radiation Treatments and generally am my same optimistic self until about a mo before my every 6 mo Pap and bloodwork; then have to wait about 2 weeks for results. It’s always harder for me to sleep and feel pretty anxious as I await results.
I also still have Chemo port in my chest I think because my main oncologist doesn’t believe I will not have cancer again at some point. Have to get a port flush every 3 mo.
So though I have my energy back I don’t have my lovely blonde hair any more; it grew back but is darker and so thin. Eye lashes haven’t grown in much either.
I think my hubby, family and even female friends all think I should be lucky to be alive. Well I am but everything I went through was difficult and though they tell me I “look great” I know I don’t look like I used too…also have after affects from so much radiation with dental problems and lots of bone pain.
I am sad to say but I think if you have major surgery, chemo, and radiation you probably live with some psychological damage for the rest of your life.
I believe in telling the truth and not sugar coating any of this
Wishing you the best < 3

REPLY
2 replies
suemarie3 | @suemarie3 | Jun 28, 2023

I can relate to this very thing you posted.
I feel like life is going on all around me , but I am standing still, waiting for the next scan, the next test, the next symptom.
Life will never be the same after a cancer diagnosis.
Best wishes for you and sll our cancer warriors.

REPLY
flgirl | @flgirl | Jun 28, 2023
In reply to @azashley "I understand totally 💯 % I am a 6 year survivor of endometrial cancer (full hysterectomy,..." + (show)
@azashley

I understand totally 💯 %
I am a 6 year survivor of endometrial cancer (full hysterectomy, 6mo chemo, 6weeks daily radiation Treatments and generally am my same optimistic self until about a mo before my every 6 mo Pap and bloodwork; then have to wait about 2 weeks for results. It’s always harder for me to sleep and feel pretty anxious as I await results.
I also still have Chemo port in my chest I think because my main oncologist doesn’t believe I will not have cancer again at some point. Have to get a port flush every 3 mo.
So though I have my energy back I don’t have my lovely blonde hair any more; it grew back but is darker and so thin. Eye lashes haven’t grown in much either.
I think my hubby, family and even female friends all think I should be lucky to be alive. Well I am but everything I went through was difficult and though they tell me I “look great” I know I don’t look like I used too…also have after affects from so much radiation with dental problems and lots of bone pain.
I am sad to say but I think if you have major surgery, chemo, and radiation you probably live with some psychological damage for the rest of your life.
I believe in telling the truth and not sugar coating any of this
Wishing you the best < 3

Jump to this post

Thank you for your reply! I agree, we will never be the same, but I don't live with it in the front of my mind daily. That isn't living. I was diagnosed with MGUS 18 months ago. My thoughts are, I survived once and will again. I see the oncologist/hematologist for labs every 6 months. The new health issues that keep popping up, and life in general consume me, but I just keep looking forward, and up. Positive attitude and mindfulness are a must. Hugs and prayers for you, and all others here!

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