Dating and breast cancer: When do you mention I had/have cancer?

I’m not sure what I would do but when I started dating my husband, we’ve been together over 20 years now, he told me on the 3rd date he was missing a testes from a horrific accident when he was younger that he almost died from. I think he told me because we we’re going away on a weekend trip to a friend’s house and he didn’t know what was going to happen but nothing happened because I wasn’t ready! It didn’t matter to me because I had already started having feelings for him. You need to play this by ear and how you feel about the person. If it’s a brand new person in your life, maybe wait until there are feelings but if it’s someone you already know, you may feel more comfortable with the conversation. Good luck!

I am way past dating, but I say a first date is just a first date, get to know you a bit. I would not. I will blab about it on here but he is essentially a stranger and maybe there won’t be a second date. I would wait until 2nd or 3rd at least.

Hi @frogjumper

It sounds to me like you're going to have a long, happy life ahead so don't worry about some big reveal on your first date or first phase of dating. The person you'll be dating surely has some health or other issues as well. I would be honest if asked, but otherwise try waiting a bit. Or like @jpnnobx stated about her husband's reveal, before any physical romance so there are no unexpected surprises. As she said, because she already had feelings for him at that point, it didn't matter.

Years ago, a male friend of mine was telling me I should date again. I responded by telling my friend that any man will run when I tell him about all my medical problems, allergies and all my other limitations. I think I was really saying that because I didn't want to date again so it gave me a good excuse. My friend responded with, "Why in the world would you lead with that info? Save the fine print for later after you've had a chance to develop feelings for each other and he has a reason to want to stay." He was right. Why would I ever think I needed to hand someone a big disclaimer on a first date? If you think about it, everyone puts their best foot forward in the initial dating phase. We are all marketing ourselves to romantic partners, friends, neighbors, employers, etc. as to the best we have to offer in all aspects of our lives.

Growing up, I was always so self-conscious about this horrific, large, raised, bright red keloid scar about 5" x 2" across my shoulder (google keloid if you don't know what this is). Other kids and adults always asked what it was, people guessed, people were looking at my shoulder instead of my eyes when talking to me, I couldn't wear sleeveless clothes or swimsuits, those darn sleeveless jumpsuits required in gym class were a nightmare for me, etc. I kept it covered up whenever possible. When I was dating this guy in college, the first time he saw it, I felt the need to start explaining what it was. He didn't say a word or seem the least bit concerned about it. He just leaned over and kissed the scar and then kissed me to end the conversation about it. I thought that was the sweetest thing ever and it put me completely at ease about it at least with him.

Anyone worth having a relationship with is not going to walk away because you had a lumpectomy, but share all the fun stuff first as anyone would do. Get back out there and have fun! You've earned it! 🙂

Your college sweetheart sounds perfect, that sounds so romantic and 100% loving. If a man did that to me I would be so smitten I'd never let him go 🙂

So I agree, hold off on any information regarding health issues At my age (65) not sure too many people don't have one or two!

Thanks for all your help!!!

Thank you, I will take this good advice!!!

Nope dont tell them they will Run!!! If you get serious and they care about you later on they wont run.

So I asked a few months ago about dating and when to be open to a prospective mate about having/had breast cancer. Well I have to say that some of the responses have been very telling as to whether Mr. Date was fantastic or a total jerk, or simply a moron. From empathy to one man simply poo pooing it saying "it's no big deal every woman has had it", this was news to me I had no idea all women have had it, did you? Well lets just say date #3 will never happen with Dr. Know it All.
To be honest it's actually a great test to decide if a guy is a keeper or not. So far.....not a keeper in the bunch! You would think men in their mid 60's would know how to behave, but astonishingly enough they don't.

Gee - you go girl!!!

Wow. Based on your experiences, I would bring it up at the earliest opportunity! That way you don’t waste time on someone who seems great, but turns out to be a jerk about your breast cancer. Good luck out there!

The one who said “ not a big deal “ he sounds unphased by it . If this was a first date he may have just said “ all women” without really thinking due to nerves etc. You can’t truly judge someone from a first meeting as many people can be nervous. I have a good friend . He is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Yet the first time I met him I though he was an absolute jerk . He didn’t even say hello. He probably said 2 lines the whole evening and I just saw him
As so conceited . Yet of all the men there that night he was the only one who asked to walk me to my Car to make sure i was safe .
Of all my male friends he is the one who is standing by me in my cancer journey.