I’m sorry for everything you have been through . I can’t quite compare to your story , but I had a very long , complicated spine surgery that lasted for 16 hours . My head and neck were swollen like a pumpkin and I had to remain intubated on the ventilator for about 3-4 days . According to my husband and reading my ICU notes , I was obviously completely crazy and fighting fir my life the whole time . I thankfully don’t really remember the ventilator , but I was placed on a drip of anesthesia for the intense pain . I had a very odd and scary experience with this drug a few years ago but it was only a brief experience . However that feeling stayed w me a long time . The surgeon asked my husband if I had ever woken up from surgery that way and he said no , but explained the experience I had on the infusion I was receiving . For some reason they continued the infusion and I think I just went that much more crazy . I don’t remember anything sane for about a week after I got out of ICU and the drug was stopped . What I remember is this really dark place I was in and I thought none of my family stayed w me and I didn’t think I was in a hospital , it was like I was in a strange house and it was dark and I slept on the floor and whoever caring for me just ignored me . When I did start to come around the next week I had no idea my husband was there for two weeks at my side and then my sister took his place . She calmly tried to tell me that she thoight the nurses had been caring for me and that maybe I had been confused . I would hear nothing of it but with time I tried to make myself believe that I was being taken care of , my family was there with me and I indeed in a hospital room . It’s been six months and I still feel that my experience was that I was in a home , sleeping on the floor , no one in my family was there and the nurses ignored me. And I don’t know how to resolve this . I talked to my surgeon a few times . My husband seemed very understanding that things were terrible for me , but he did not want to discuss it with me after I got out of the hospital . I think it’s too hard for him to renember seeing me that way . I did have an offer for therapy from Mayo while I was in the hospital but I refused it for some reason . There is just this dark place in my mind that lingers there . And I still believe no one took care of me . That is my reality . It might not have happened , but it’s my reAlity .
I do hope if you have had a strong marriage otherwise , that you two get some counseling . I imagine he is as freaked out as you about what happened .