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Surviving?
Question for those of you who have survived your dire diagnosis and subsequent treatments (and maybe even consider yourselves cured) how did you deal with it when the people around you who were your usual support system gave up on you?
I'm asking because at age 74, with stage IV adenocarcinoma of the pancreas with metastases, I am feeling as if everyone around me has mentally given me up.
My oncologist has made the point of making sure I know that what he has to offer is considered palliative even as he is about to start me on a second different Chemo regimen.
My long-time body worker worries that I am not strong enough to survive another onslaught of a different batch of Chemo poisons.
My brother also seems to be abandoning his optimism about my prospects.
I know, from reading posts here, that faith in a higher power has been important to many. This has not been a part of my healthy life, and is proving challenging, although I do pray daily for a "miracle."
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Dear Pancreatic Cancer Patient - I am a pancreatic and breast cancer (two types) survivor, at 69. While I don't have answers for you, I can share that having the support one needs throughout this difficult process is so important. That is what you are asking for, if I am understanding you correctly.
I recall that most of my family of origin (6 siblings and my father, at that time) were not there for me or my two young daughters (now 26 and 29.) I look back and will never understand why they were not. But, what happened is that I learned that there ARE people who care and that you have to keep seeking to find them. Yes, I have faith and I have NO idea what I would do without that. With my faith came/comes a community and people who I found to be so kind and caring. (I am not preaching at you, shaming you or telling you what to do.)
I learned that some people, caring people at that, may get fatigued and not know how to help you. I am learning to give them grace, something that has not always been easy for me to do.
I know there must be others around that you just have not found yet. Here are some ideas- cancer survivor groups, grief groups, therapy, art/creative groups, writing your thoughts out, your own oncologist and/or nursing team may also help you.
What I am trying to say, is that this is so hard....and I don't have answers, as I mentioned earlier, but please keep trying to find caring souls to help you. I recently faced a possible fourth cancer scare. I found that it talking about it to so many people, they are just "tired" of hearing about my saga with it all. So, I am learning to pull back and ask about them again, spending time in nature, trying to embroider again, etc. I wish you so much good.
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2 ReactionsThank you for those very well-defined suggestions.
I do have a groups of friends all around the world who are aware that I have a dire diagnosis which is likely to remove me from our beautiful planet much sooner than I expected or want.
I have learned to pray to the Creator,
Our isolated physical location is harder to deal with since I am not experienced with Zoom, for instance, and find I have an unexpectedly strong desire for physical contact from another embodied soul, preferably human.
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2 ReactionsAs a 74 year old guy who lives at the end of the road in Alaska, but currently at Mayo Rochester for 3 weeks, I appreciate the pitfalls remote or isolated living. That said, you want to consider getting help to familiarize with Zoom as a means of connecting. If an almost ancient like me can figure it out with some help, I bet you can too. It's not near as good as another's physical presence, but can help in perhaps unexpected ways. Why not give it a shot?
Thank you for your recommendation.
I do actually have some slight experience with Zoom, but have found it to be frustrating since the events (one wedding and a series of historical presentations) have been totally dependent on the skill level(s) of those involved.