Good folks on here, you picked the right place.
You aren’t alone with this issue, whatsoever. It is as mentally taxing as it is physically. As time goes by, you’ll discover ways to alleviate the issues at hand.
My bpm hit 217 a couple of times and would drop to as low as 28. I had an ICD implanted, but was still unstable before the meds could take hold. Needless to say, I got shocked 5 times over a short period of time. I lived in absolute fear for some time after, nightmares about it and the whole nine yards. I talked to my doctor and got a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication and used that with the understanding that it would be temporary (to avoid addiction and such). It worked well for me, as I don’t take the medication anymore and live relatively stress free in that department as time has passed. Find something(s) that helps you get settled back into life, and you will have a great start on recovery.
I wish you well, and keep fighting the good fight.